dat rock princess

disturbance

2006-10-04T13:25:00.000+08:00

[peace and mercy upon you]

i'm so tired. i can't sleep, i'm so disturbed and petrified with the same nightmares i get every night. maybe i think too much. sometimes, i have doubts in loving someone. i don't feel secure.

a few things i have to do before 2007

2006-10-03T00:49:00.000+08:00

HELLO.

2006 have not been a good year for me.. so i've plan wad to do before 2007 comes...

- anxiety management

causes:
Heart Palpitations
Shortness of Breath
Anxiety Attacks
Sleepless Nights
Fear of Social Situations
Inability to Relax
Worry, Worry, Worry

i've to stop my anxiety... or i'll suffer. i've to achieve or the ability to have:

Personal Self-Confidence
Top Performance on the Job
Relaxation in Social Settings
Ability to Have Fun Again
Belief in Yourself
Peaceful Sleep
Daily Joy and Serenity

- to learn the art of Feng Shui

It is so important to stay positive and constantly filled with good, flowing energy. If i do so, my life and all the things i am surrounded by will represent such wonderful qualities as health, happiness, prosperity, love and contentment.
Bedroom is a place where i spend 1/3 of my time so having proper balance of yin and yang is very essential, some yang energy is essential, because it helps me to stay motivated get going with my day-to-day chores but too much yang on the other hand can drive me nuts! It can make me feel chaotic, frenzied and over-stimulated. It can make me feel too passionate, so that i can never just sit back and relax in my own bed room. Feng Shui bed room tip is that to keep my beds in a position that provides a solid wall behind me for support. Using this position puts me in visual command of the space, and allows me to face life directly, both literally and symbolically.

- beginning afresh

What is good about the dawn of a new year is that it gives us an incentive to 'start again', to discard the bad habits of the previous year and to begin afresh. We might resolve to meditate more assiduously, be more tolerant of others, to develop a greater to kindness in challenging situations, to resolve to follow the five precepts more consistently, to give more freely, and to be more focused on what is really important in life.
The five precepts are:

1. I undertake to abstain from harming living beings
2. I undertake to abstain from taking what is not given
3. I undertake to abstain from sexual misconduct
4. I undertake to abstain from false speech
5. I undertake to abstain from intoxicating drugs or drink

- fit in fitness

The evidence is in for fitness. Regular exercise has been associated with more health benefits than anything else known to man. Studies show that it reduces the risk of some cancers, increases longevity, helps achieve and maintain weight loss, enhances mood, lowers blood pressure, and even improves arthritis. In short, exercise keeps me healthy and makes me look and feel better.

- get out of dept

Money was a big source of stress in my life this year. I have to work hard, and earn more.

- reduce and control stress

Be realistic. If you feel overwhelmed by some activities (yours and/or your family’s), learn to say NO! Eliminate an activity that is not absolutely necessary. You may be taking on more responsibility than you can or should handle. If you meet resistance, give reasons why you’re making the changes. Be willing to listen to other’s suggestions and be ready to compromise.

Shed the “superman/superwoman” urge. No one is perfect, so don’t expect perfection from yourself or others. Ask yourself, “What really needs to be done?” How much can I do? Is the deadline realistic? What adjustments can I make?” Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it.

Meditate. Just ten to twenty minutes of quiet reflection may bring relief from chronic stress as well as increase your tolerance to it. Use the time to listen to music, relax and try to think of pleasant things or nothing.

Visualize. Use your imagination and picture how you can manage a stressful situation more successfully. Whether it’s a business presentation or moving to a new place, many people feel visual rehearsals boost self-confidence and enable them to take a more positive approach to a difficult task.

Take one thing at a time. For people under tension or stress, an ordinary workload can sometimes seem unbearable. The best way to cope with this feeling of being overwhelmed is to take one task at a time. Pick one urgent task and work on it. Once you accomplish that task, choose the next one. The positive feeling of “checking off” tasks is very satisfying. It will motivate you to keep going.

Exercise. Regular exercise is a popular way to relieve stress. Twenty to thirty minutes of physical activity benefits both the body and the mind.

Hobbies. Take a break from your worries by doing something you enjoy. Whether it’s gardening or painting, schedule time to indulge your interest.

Healthy life style. Good nutrition makes a difference. Limit intake of caffeine and alcohol (alcohol actually disturbs regular sleep patterns), get adequate rest, exercise, and balance work and play.

Share your feelings. A conversation with a friend lets you know that you are not the only one having a bad day, caring for a sick child or working in a busy office. Stay in touch with friends and family. Let them provide love, support and guidance. Don’t try to cope alone.

Give in occasionally. Be flexible! If you find you’re meeting constant opposition in either your personal or professional life, rethink your position or strategy. Arguing only intensifies stressful feelings. If you know you are right, stand your ground, but do so calmly and rationally. Make allowances for other’s opinions and be prepared to compromise. If you are willing to give in, others may meet you halfway. Not only will you reduce your stress, you may find better solutions to your problems.

Go easy with criticism. You may expect too much of yourself and others. Try not to feel frustrated, let down, disappointed or even “trapped” when another person does not measure up. The “other person” may be a wife, a husband, or child whom you are trying to change to suit yourself. Remember, everyone is unique, and has his or her own virtues, shortcomings, and right to develop as an individual.

hmmm

2006-09-10T04:31:00.000+08:00

i miss him today.

one off day gone, i thought i could spend it with hun. but i guess, he's tired.

i miss him now.

he might be sleeping now. i don't know.

TGIF

2006-09-08T09:52:00.000+08:00

hello.

T.G.I.F! yeah.. it've been a frustrating week for me. schedule packed with courses dat i have to attend and never ending trainings that've been going on. office hours sucks big time. really...

anyhows...

to my dearest Nelly... your story, translated in English..your request is my command... you wanted your story to be written in my blog...

here goes...

..."men will be men. many of them had mistress, just like Hyr...

and in fact, they were renowned for it. i hated the fact that i had been lied ,again. i wondered how stupid i must have been, not to have realised. how wilfully blind i had been. i wondered why. i should have known right from the start.

i've been crying alot, lately.

my new office's too small, and it smelt of fresh paint and of coz, stale cigarette smoke. i sat on the floor and trying to pull myself together. first of all, i regulate my breathing.

i wish i could run a deep, hot bath.

have been trying to comfort myself with platitudes. hoping that everything will be alright. people went through the process all the time, not, perhabs, exactly the same, not the discovery that their partner was essentially a bigamist, but relationships that had been supposed to last for ever did go wrong, and they went wrong every day. people deceived each other.

lots of people were divorced. they had all been through this heartache.

and lots of people lost their child. many mother grew old childless. my situation was nothing special; it was just part of the human condition.

this may have been true, but it was not cheering. i had wanted to give Alysa the perfect life, and now i was not going to manage it. Alysa passed away, eventually. i would now, sooner or later, have to accept the fact that i've lost everything, but not Allah...

In practical sense, living without Hyr was going to be easy. i am used to having a part time husband. i was trying to absorb the fact that he had been doubling up as a part time husband and father to another family. I had never known him at all. the gentle, caring soul mate i had adored had been a figment of my imagination. i tried to stop myself revisiting scenes from the past 4 years, but i could not help re-evaluating every missed calls, every unavoidable birthday absence and its accompanying mortified phone call, in the light of the truth.

i took Alysa's picture out of my drawer. i did not need to look at it again. touching it was enough. i tried to hold on to the fact that she had loved me. the one person who had really loved me, my only daughter, had died.

i was accustomed to being the only unit. i would get on all right without him. it was the rejection that i could not bear. i was humiliated, discarded, second best. his words sounded in my head, far too often. you've always been the other.
i had never been The One. he had probably enjoyed it all along, knowing that i was going to be hurt.

i imagined him laughing at my delusions of security. i wanted to curl up and die. i had never tought of myself as a bad judge of character. i had flattered myself by assuming that i was perceptive. i started to wonder what else had been going on beneath my nose without my realising it.

i wondered if i would ever be able to think of Hyr as Hyr. i don't think so. i wondered if one day i would go from one month to another without thinking of him at all.

i was not sure that i was strong enough. i didn't think i could manage to be on my own all the time. i had no partner and i lost my daughter. both of them had chosen to leave me. no one loved me best.

i could not bear it. i didn't know whether to go back to gramp's or whether to stay in this house,alone. Either way, i could barely see difference, i realised i was crying, silently.

I had always prided myself on self control, and now i could do nothing but cry. i cried for my mother, who had put her mania above everything else, including me. i cried for Hyr, and for Alysa. i cried for myself. the whole world was miserable. i felt desperate for some sort of comfort. there was nothing. i wanted to scream with pain, so i did. i did not care who heard me. i shook with the sobs, glad that there was a tempest outside. i could not control myself anymore. i gasped for breath. i had only ever lost control like this once before, when i was in labour.

i slid onto the floor and curled up into a ball, hiccuping and trembling, all dignity gone..."

..for Nurul Nellida Naim..
p.s hope you'll be alright there...

(ok, i cried when i read her actual story which was written in malay.)

i love you nelly... :)

super lazy sunday

2006-09-03T19:47:00.000+08:00

hello.

woke up at 2pm till now i've nothing to do. a lazy sunday indeed.

hun called just now. fiza, that over grown baby, is at his place now. wondering if he's coming over for dinner. mom cooked naan today. had 1 piece only coz it's very filling. i'm bored!! what shall i do now... tried to rectify some problems on mom's pc but i failed. maybe, i'll get hun to rectify that problematic pc.

quarrelled wit Zack in msn just now. bloody sickening idiot he is..

i kinda like my new blog skin. lurrrveee the grafics..

*yawnnnnnn*

i think i'm tired already. gonna sleep soon..

*listening to Kupu² Malam - PeterPan

Invincible

2006-09-03T19:21:00.000+08:00

Invincible - Muse

follow through
make your dreams come true
don't give up the fight
you will be alright
'cause there's no one like you in the universe

don't be afraid
what your mind conceives
you should make a stand
stand up for what you believe
and tonight
we can truly say
together we're invincible

during the struggle
they will pull us down
but please, please
let's use this chance
to turn things around
and tonight
we can truly say
together we're invincible

do it on your own
it makes no difference to me
what you leave behind
what you choose to be
and whatever they say
your souls unbreakable

during the struggle
they will pull us down
but please, please
let's use this chance
to turn things around
and tonight
we can truly say
together we're invincible
together we're invincible

during the struggle
they will pull us down
please, please
let's use this chance
to turn things around
and tonight
we can truly say
together we're invincible
together we're invincible

to that Special Someone...

2006-09-02T20:05:00.000+08:00

this song is especially for you...

M.I.A

2006-09-02T17:50:00.000+08:00

hello.

i'm back after 10months missing in action. missed me? i know u do! :) heeeess...

Now let me update...

11th June 2006 - Sri Rahayuningsih's Wedding.. my bestie..

i'm so proud of her..really do... it was a gr8 wedding and i wish them all the best! (i was her bride's maid..hehe)

18th June 2006 - Ahmed Zaki's Wedding.. my Brother..

yeah.. wedding back to back.. too tired and didn't get enuf sleep as well. i had high fever and it almost spoilt my day. 40deg, are you CRAZY!?! bOi came to the rescue... as always... :) anyways.. my bro's wedding was a blast. everything went well except for some stupid aunty problems.

14th July 2006 - my 21st...

a birthday surprise at Ministry of Sound. altho' it like a few months ago.. my big shout outs to bOi, Kidd, both Farhans, Shahril, Ah Hock, ZzaD, Fadil, Salmiah, Mas, Adila, Ryn, Didi Cazli and Hafidz for the splendid PARTY cum Birthday Surprise.. much Luv!!

11th August 2006 - Fireworks Festival

thanks hun... (pic was taken at Benjamin Shears Bridge E.C.P) yeah we were one of them who stops the the espressway to witness this shit! i love FIREWORKS!!

14th August 2006 - Suria Mestika Gathering

Alright, i'll make it more precise.. Suria Mestika is my first and my last Dikir Barat group. from 1998-2004. yeah.. i had smashing good time at the chalet. met my fellow mates. still the same ol' people. still as corny and crazy as ever.. i'll miss them very much!!

26th August 2006 - WOMAD 2006

just the 6 of us.. me,hun,tiq,khai,kidd and along. but we really do enjoyed ourselves.

THATS ALL for today folks... just updating..

Chalo-betti!!

for you...

2005-12-24T21:37:00.000+08:00

*for you,with love...

i came, stayed and left.
mused over all those cherishable moments that we once shared,
it made my heart sank.
and realised
my sky has lost it's colour.

i'm abashed, for knowing you too well.
and reluctant for loving you still.

nothing good comes easily and it's you.

things are different now and we have changed.
i still think of you every minute every second
but life still go on 'cos i want it unchanged.

one last chance if you could grant it
to paint my colourless sky so it would live again
i pledge myself and i will keep you forever

or i would just leave,
and never come back...

** i missed you, yes i do. i'll keep you, that's the truth.

injured!

2005-12-18T22:52:00.000+08:00

*i'm in pain...

it bleeds non stop and i'm starting to worry sick. it's too painful that i feel like i'm gonna have a fever soon. had a catfight with tiq's cat(pinky). it's not that i'm not used to cats scratches and bites. nevertheless, my cats did it everyday but they will only attack our legs. but yesterday, for the first time in my life, i was brutally(i'm just making it up, not so brutal lahh..) attacked by my girlfriend's cat on my right hand. it bit my hand and scratched continuously. it's was uber painful. luckily i was strong enough to bare the pain. nasib tak melalak! hopefully it won't get contagious. *crossed my fingers

anyways, i had fun at sentosa just now. swam in the rain, played beach soccer;also in the rain, beach volleyball which made my right hand get more worst! haha.. but i endure the pain. i was trying to make myself happy. too many things happened lately and i'm so overwhelmed with stress. just don't wanna be depressed again.

party!!!

as always, i've been partying almost everyday this week again. had fun. but something happened on thursday night at double o. an incident that i will never forget and will never forgive myself. an incident that i will never reveal and will never ever share. met kid and her friends there. and inside, i met loads of my other friends. ader kawan baru, ader kawan lama, ada juga confused friendship. macam macam kawan aku jumpa kat sana. ader yang terlalu tua, ader yang dah jadi tunang orang. haha yang klasik skali, bapak orang pun ada!!! ish... bak kata orang, benda yang diberi jangan ditolak! so i just take la!!! kalau tak, aper pulak kan?? thursday was so called the most happening night. why? pasal aku tak ya kuar duit. ader yang hulur aje! aku pon ambek ar...

**sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh

uber down

2005-12-10T03:45:00.000+08:00

*SoUberSad*

'Hold onto love that is what I do now that I've found you.
And from above everything's stinking, they're not around you.
And in the night, I could be helpless,
I could be lonely, sleeping without you.
And in the day, everything's complex,
There's nothing simple, when I'm not around you.
But I'll miss you when you're gone, that is what I do.
And it's going to carry on, that is what I do.
Hold onto my hands, I feel I'm sinking, sinking without you.
And to my mind, everything's stinking, stinking without you.'

***sighhhhh***

saw him at momo on wednesday. with his new girl. new life. glad to see him happy again showing his colgate smile. and today, saw him again. drunk and uber disgusting. i say disgusting coz of all places, he chooses to throw up in front of my bloody eyes. and why am i home early? i supposed to stay out till 5 but no, i was forced to accompany one of my super drunk girlfriend back. happenning kan? damn it! *mind my language*
sorry i just have to complain. i've been partying everyday this week. why? coz i'm so stressed. why am i stressed? coz someone just don't understand simple english. told him not to bother me no more but he still bothers me. super SON OF A GUN indeed!

sudah lah.. tak de mood!

hi,hello,wassup

2005-12-07T18:00:00.000+08:00

*like any normal days...

slept early last night coz i was too exhausted. packing things and taking care of my mom who was not feeling well. she seemed fine today. hopefully things will be as what it supposed to be usually. without mom, home means nothing. no food. no glow. everything seemed so gloomy and quiet. prepared porridge for mom in the morning. gave her medications and told her to rest as much as possible. kesian mak aku... maybe she's too tired with the things that have been going on at home. and she deserve a rest.

went for my forth check up at Changi General Hospital just now. hopefully i will get well soon.

Momo on Friday 2nd Dec
yeah... it's been long since i last went to momo. last friday, i went there with tiq. yes, just the two of us. we had fun. it's not that bad actually. met Shahril, Along, Kak Kid, Farhan, Hafidz and Hakim there. dah lama tak nampak dorang. still no difference la. still as lunatic as always..heh! Momo was packed but music played was great! love it!

anyways.............
nothing changed. i'm still me. minding my own bloody business. went to Thumper with Tiq and Zzad on monday to see tiq's bro performance. after that we went to have dinner at Newton. Athif and Ana joined us. after dinner we catch a movie at Cine. SAW 2 is a must see movie. if you have watched the first part, i bet you will definately say that the second part is much more better. mind blogging movie. it'll make you have headaches...seriously. i enjoyed the show very much.

got to go now... till next entry!

**still missing you. i wish you are here with me.
i wish i could tell you how i felt for you.... but i've got no courage to do so...
you're just a shadow that have been haunting me in my sleep.**

errrrrrrr

2005-12-01T00:29:00.000+08:00

i MISS you la....! heh..!

rainy tuesday...

2005-11-22T17:18:00.000+08:00

*yawnnn*

have been raining since morning and i,as always,feel so lazy to do anything. just complete reading Karen Armstrong's, Mohammad A Biography of the Prophet. somehow, it gave me a gist about how Nabi Mohammad,SAW, became our Prophet. interesting. maybe later, i wanna rent a book. have been wanting to read Dan Brown's Da Vin Ci Code.

but...

it's raining outside and i'm so lazy to go out!
no one's at home now. Mom and Abu went out to accompany my uncle to the Hospital for his monthly check-up. Dad and my other Bother is working. i'm home alone listening to my all time favourite downtempo basanova musics. it actually goes well with the weather..heh! hopefully no one will ask me out later. totally no mood at all. i dun wanna throw my sucky face to anyone today. i just wanna lock myself up in my room with a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on my door knob.

feeling so DOWN!

i hope tomorrow will be a different day for me.

i'm missing them so much. will there be anymore outings? just wanna give each and everyone of them a peck on their cheeks! haha... crazy...

alrite..i'll end my craps here..before i go on and on...

**it's been days since i last hear from you.......i miss you....

test

2005-11-21T03:10:00.000+08:00

**arrr...engkau mulut BUSUK!**

myshoutbox sucks big time lor... can't change my tag board. did changes to my blog skin. somehow, it makes me feel ME.hah!

let me tell you my secret

2005-11-20T22:37:00.000+08:00

*your words are extremely venomous*

When He and She come together in a love affair, it's usually a very good combination. They are two positions apart within the Zodiac, and such Signs tend to share karmic ties and a deep mutual understanding. These particular two Signs have much in common: Both prize security in a love relationship above almost all else; both tend to be nurturers (She is emotionally nurturing while He loves to spoil their lover with sensual delights, gifts and good, rich meals). They're both quite domestic and love a quiet night spent at home with their sweetie.

The He-She partnership tends to be a happy one due to this mutual enjoyment of the security and comfort of home. They love a solid home base, a strong relationship, nice possessions, good food: all the comforts of domestic life. Theirs is often the ideal family that people of other Signs strive for, with strong ties between them and a relationship that is family-oriented rather than toward the outside world. Their only major problems arise when He insists on having His own way and She responds by sulking. He must understand Her emotional sensitivity, and She needs rely on open, honest communication than on emotional blackmail.

He is ruled by Venus (Love) and She is ruled by the Moon (Emotions). Both of these celestial bodies vibrate with feminine energy. She often keeps emotions bottled up and simmering inside, which can lead to occasional boil-overs. Thus, She is attracted to His open, honest, unafraid nature. As the Moon controls the tides of the Earth, quietly affecting all life, so does Her, manipulating behind the scenes. She tends to be sentimental, and both partners prefer to enjoy each other rather than socializing with large groups.

He is an Earth Sign and She is a Water Sign. Water and Earth are compatible as tangible, physical entities. As a Water Sign, She is born to nurture an Earth Sign like Him the way rain nurtures Earth and helps crops grow. In turn, He tends to have a more stable view of life than does She and is less prone to emotional turmoil; therefore, He can help Her stabilize their tumultuous feelings. Both Signs must be careful in this relationship, however: He may tire of Her mood swings, and She may in turn feel that He is insensitive to their needs.

He is a Fixed Sign and She is a Cardinal Sign. He has Fixed habits; He won't change an opinion once it's formed. This can provide Her with an emotional rock, as He is entirely dedicated to the relationship. In turn, She can bring new inspiration to the relationship and start new projects that He will enjoy taking over later.

What's the best aspect of the He-She relationships? The steady, reliable team they make. Both Signs are dependable and nurturing, strongly oriented toward domestic life together. A mutual love of home and security makes theirs an ideal long-term, family relationship.

huh?!like that one arrr??

heh!
macam gini aku nak percaya? taik arr!

oh god...

please give me strength.
'ya allah, sesungguhnya segala rancangan ku, engkaulah yang tentukan, sememangnya jodoh terletak di telapak tanganmu, aku berserah segalanya kepadamu.Amin.'

hey

2005-11-20T00:42:00.000+08:00

it's been long...

hari raya pon dah 3 minggu berlalu.. let me be one of the last kopek yg mengucapkan
'SELAMAT HARI RAYA' to all! heh!

At last i get to update this piece of shit after ermm...1 month missing in action. actually my internet connection at home da kene potong. Dad says " i don't want to have any accumulative bills before moving out." yes... we've got a house at Pasir Ris. Right at the end of the town actually. Very annoying! I have to like it coz it's gonna be my new home afterall. far from central but the neighbourhood seems very peaceful but also scary. Looks like someone will have curfew soon! arrghhh... it's so so annoying!!!

Ahneywayz...

Location: Nolly's place
For what: no idea, her mom is out of town so she called everyone to lepak at her place for a moviemarathon. watching B13 now. french movie actually. very the ghetto ghetto la... not so interested. waiting for tiq and zzad to come. Yan is here. Shahrul.... no idea... no sound no picture. maybe sleeping at home.

Update myself...

STILL SINGLE... not complaining actually... i like!

no more working at airport. had another position... shall i say.. better paying job. somewhere la...miss you all lah, AIRPORT SATS QOALA & JETSTAR ASIA TEAM 4... you all rock~ heh!

well.. got to go now... will update again, maybe next year.. hahaha..

fight the feeling

2005-10-26T09:20:00.000+08:00

*Listening to "Runaway Train - Soul Asylum"

i'm so sleepy...!! Stomach cramps, very painful. Clement's not around, and i'm handling the operations alone. Luckily yasmin is around to help out. or else, i'm dead...

ahneyways,

i need sleep badly. didnt' sleep for almost 48 hours,ok. yesterday, after work, i continued workin for Michelangelo's catering at Tiffany and Co. There was somehow a function for the American Assosiation of Singapore. Fun environment but very exhausting.
I earned extra cash enough for this week's expenses. I don't think i will spend that much this month. only that i have to give kids zakat hari raya. strictly for kids under 12 years old only! heh!!

Too weak... i'm just so sick... feel like having a break. just a cup of my steaming remedy of milk with ginger. that could brighten up my life...

and she sings...~~~

"Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning
So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep, there's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on Earth did I get so jaded
Life's mysteries seem so faded
I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drowning in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

And everything seems cut and dry
Day and night, Earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, a little insane
It's just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same"

yea.. have been rouge-ing regularly nowadays. free entry and stuff. Krueger play nice songs and i admit they're really really GOOD!

gtg now... too sleepy... and pissed at the same time!

over tensed

2005-10-22T09:08:00.000+08:00

*yes i'm taking a short break for a while.

Have been planning my staff's roster for next week since 5am and i have to admit, it's very sickening! cracking my head early in the morning and i know i don't deserve to be in this kinda state. i think the cause of my migraine is because of this! 'Brainstorming' is not my middle name... and thanks for reading my complains.

i hope i could get a last hour break so i can go home and take a short nap before meeting tiq. I really need a rest. my head is spinning already and yes, i didn't bring my medication along coz i wanna fast so badly. I've made a promise to myself that this year, by hook or by crook, i have to fast throughout the month. I can't waste not even a day. "Ya Allah, kuatkan lah iman hambamu yang seakan lemah ini."
Sick people gets excuse, tapi perduli apa aku!?! Sakit bukannya nak mati peeee... heh! ishk.. mulut nye ponnnnn~!
*sighs*
Tengok roster yang separuh siap, semakin pusing kepala aku. rambut dah serupa dengan pompan tak terurus. Serba serbi, comot aku hari ni.
*sighhhhhhhhhh*
Help... i'm just feeling rather helpless today. so aggitated. so disturbed. so WHATEVER...! is it because my girl thing is around the corner or coming soon? Today, Tomorrow or maybe TONIGHT?!! arrrrrrrrgggghhh......... i'm so super not in a mood today. i think it's because i didn't sleep. or maybe, i didn't eat. entah lah...

"come on alia, jangan layankan,ok?"

2005-10-22T01:53:00.000+08:00

*had nothing to do... can't sleep coz i have to work later. Shahrul is asleep and i had no one to talk to.aiyah. tiq's watching movie wif ezzad and i can't have my gossip session. well... tmr will be another sushi session with tiq and not forgetting our picture taking day. well... enjoy this poem, i think it's a lil bit corny.

The perfect man is gentle
never cruel or mean
he has a beautiful smile
and he keeps his face so clean

The perfect man loves children
and will raise them by your side
he will be a good father
and good husband to his bride

The perfect man loves cooking
cleaning and vaccuuming too
he'lldo anything to convey
his feelings of love to you

The perfect man is sweet
writing poetry from your name
he's a best friend to your mother
and kisses away your pain

He has never made you cry
or hurt you in any way......
OH SCREW THIS STUPID POEM............
THE PERFECT MAN IS GAY!!!!!!

heh!

i wrote another kinky poem to shahrul, coz he asked for it. hopefully he likes it... :) that guy is so MENTEL,ok! heh! anyways, i'm feeling kinda low. in the afternoon, i went to ikea to grab some stuff for my room. Shahrul accompanied me. had dinner at Bedok corner with him and went back coz i have to pray.

Eventually,
i felt bad for throwing a sucky face to him just now. i wasn't in a good mood and i am so sorry. throughtout the journey, i was quiet. and i knew that he think that he did something wrong. but actually, it's me. he did nothing and i am so sorry. guity conscious. well... it's not my day. if only that bugger didn't bug me early in the morning. i won't be like this. shit.
ya, i felt bad. really, bad.

*sorry Shahrul...

and yes, as you know, everyday is my complaining day. and my first victim is tiq. i have to complain during supper just now. but now i felt so much better. coz she made me laugh. that girl, how can i ever stop loving her... heh! the one and only best friend that i have now. she knew so much of me.

*thankz tiq...

well... gotta have a hot steaming shower now...

*listening to "Unintended-Muse"*

sad day...

2005-10-21T23:06:00.000+08:00

*sigh*

i'm very depressed coz someone spoilt my day and now i'm going out for supper!!!
What have i done to deserve all this!?? Damn it!

my happy frends

2005-10-20T17:07:00.000+08:00

my one big happy family, my blokes... they meant so much to me.*muakz*

it's the 16th day of fasting. skejapnyer da stengah bulan~! like so fast!hiayah... hari raya kene kerja... hopefully i'll get leave or retime. praying hard for it. heh!

Hey How's Life?

well... it's obviously the fasting month and festive season is around the corner. just can't be bothered lor. minding my own business. as long as everything's in order that's good enough for me already. And yes, I'm moving out soon. to where? not sure. The buyer agreed to buy this house last night. I'm so sad ok! *sighs*
My new house will be somewhere in the east. And of coz, not Tampines. *sob*sob*
FORGET IT!
How am i? What am i up to?
still the same confuse gal...haha... looking for a new job actually. WHY? no idea... i just wanna change my environment. not that i dislike my current job, i like it, but there's some personal matters yang tak boleh dielakkan. malapetaka betol lah!
I've been complaining to my blokes, i guess, they're irritated. heh! i like...
Meeting them for sahur tonight, at Ezzad's. But before that, me have to go mosque for prayers. Baik nyer aku bulan ni! hah!

Anyways....

Let me give you a scenario. What would you do if you're in a situation whereby you're seriously dating a girl/guy, and obviously, you like him/her but no strings attached yet, you saw him/her in town with another person, so close like a pair of lovebird?

Would you...
1. Ignore and walk away?
2. Confront and forget him/her?('TIADA MAAF BAGIMU!')
3. Give a smile and wait for his/her explaination?

Me?

I would do number 2. haha... it's just me. i love confrontation and in the end i would cry my heart out. SOFTHEARTED,ok! heh!

Today,

I woke up late again. Seems like my migraine's getting worst day after day. My left eye kept twitching and it's very annoying. My performance at work, sucks! Ya, i don't blame my company if they ask me to leave. heh! Well, i have to catch up. I missed so much things.

Allridy den, break fast time!

*listening to 'Don't tread on me' - 311*

buble's concert...

2005-10-10T22:15:00.000+08:00

-its micheal buble's concert tonight! damn it.. i missed it! haaahhh!!!!

*sigh*

had sambal stringray for dinner. it was superb! great job mom! anyways, i did nothing today. did some houseworks to kill time. tomorrow, have to go to my human resource to rectify some problems. yea.. there's some problems with my staff id card. somehow i can't clock in and out. and i think it's the magnetic strip that is faulty. hmmm.. menyusahkan aku la...

meeting shahrul for supper later. today, no geylang. everyday geylang. tired la. nasib baik ezzad kasi makan free..haha... helped him count his stall's income everyday. and obviously, he's making loads of money! i know coz i count the cash every night after bazzar. not me alone, wif tiq. mata aku nampak duit je.. heeeess~!

k lar.. chow sin cheee~~!

over tensed up.

2005-10-07T09:21:00.000+08:00

- i'm just too tired!

its been a week straight i didn't get enough sleep. penat la...

sleepy! really very sleepy.

last night, went to terawih with tiq and jaja at simei. it's somehow held under a void deck. met shahrul coz i was dead bored. followed him to his fren's place at yishun then to kembangan coffee shop Raima for supper cum sahur. of coz i didn't eat and shahrul's like very disturbed. and mcm biasa la... member start sumbatkan makanan dalam mulut aku eventho' i said i don't want. headache!

**we're meant for each other but time's just too cruel for us to be too serious. i know, coz i see, his deep deep eyes, tells everything! hide no more. i know exactly whats in your mind. your heart speaks louder than anything else.

haahhh!

he's trying to fit himself to my style. he's trying hard to please me. he's trying hard to be like me. i know coz he told me..haha! yea... i ain't have 6 sense, damn it! heh!

errrrmmmmm....!

i think i shouldn't have this feeling and this feeling shouldn't have grown in me. i dun wanna make the same old mistakes again. i fall too fast.

forget it! i'm just TOO YOUNG to LOVE... hahaha.. i'm still a kid anyway.

no more tears

2005-10-05T20:54:00.000+08:00

its OVER... totally... i promise...

confused...

2005-10-04T12:17:00.000+08:00

**assalamualaikum**

esok da posa. aku pulak..errrr..traffic congestion.. mcm siak..EVERY year tak dapat sambut posa first and last day. yes... now i'm reaLLY complaining. C-O-M-P-L-A-I-N!

alia's complaining day~
+my victims for today+
-shahrul
-iqa
-nelly
-MOTHER
-nolly
-tiq

anyways...

i had a good sleep at nolly's place. tiq and nolly busy watching vcd, i'm busy dreaming away. heh! ya balls, i was really sleeping so peacefully. End of november, 3rd week of raya, i'm going to LANGKAWI! with who? no need to know. it'll be just me and the mystery person, my travel partner. and of coz it'll also be our first time travelling together. ~sweet...

and yes, tiq asked another winning question.

"why don't you guys be together since everything seems so clean and nice? you both are really compatible for each other."

me, i just gave her a wierd expression and popped out my golden finger. simple answer! heh! i'm just not ready for another relationship. i guess now, i can't play around anymore. if i want to start a relationship, i want it to be serious whereby it'll last till whenever. but now, i still wanna hang loose and enjoy. i'm not into any serious thingy for now.

gotta go to work now... starting soon. chow sin chee!!!!

-he says i'm the apple of his eyes.

after so long?

2005-09-27T23:33:00.000+08:00

assalamualaikum ppl!

its been a while since i last update. no time laa... *pssst* nelly... now i da update, so stop bugging me!!

anyways, last tuesday,spent time with qaqa... we hang around cityhall to take pictures... ni kes tak ader kerja la. it was her idea actually. this is one of the best pic taken together. hmmmm.... aku ngan qaqa da mcm lesbian partner tau. always together!

well...

tomorrow's another photo taking day. gotta sleep early.zZZzzZzZZzZzzz....

love or lust?

2005-09-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

cold sweat,still hang... heh!! chalet was fun last night.
i believe everyone did enjoyed themselves like i did.

friday night, went to momo. tiq,ezzad,shahrul and myself. obviously it was packed as usual but i just careless. after momo, had supper with shahrul at east coast. reach home at 0630 and had a short nap before meeting ezzad and tiq again.

too much things happening lately. good and bad. relationship, friendship, family, commitments and whatever la... confused friendship, sometimes having hard times making and thinking of a right decision. not sure of what's right and wrong. sometimes worse, i just don't know what to do to myself. macam mana ni??!

*sickening*

-he says girls are made of poison.they are big time liars.-
do i look like i fuckin care??

fucked up

2005-09-12T09:24:00.000+08:00

[hi]
was late for work due to some stupid reason. my staff pass, i left it on my dressing table and i had to go all the way back to take it. luckily dad came to rescue me. had duper enuf sleep last night. knock off from work at 1430hrs yesterday, had my beauty rest for almost 10hours! isn't it like 'WOW!'...? it's been a while since i last slept that long,ok!

anyways... i'm totally pissed off but i don't wish to go further.fuck it.

it's his last day at Sheraton today. found a better paying job at National University of Singapore. good for him la. he needs a better income for his age. *sigh*

ain't have mood to go on.

break time

2005-09-04T19:32:00.000+08:00

*dear lie*

you sucks big time. is it me who is confused or you?
see... tell me how can i even understand or trust people? when everything's over and done with, when i'm happily recovering from the wound that you left, you came back... crying and begging... to reconcile...

you ruined my life...!!

i need a break...

saat bahagia

2005-09-04T01:46:00.000+08:00

*listening to Saat Bahagia-Ruffedge*

yeah.. jiwang...

feeling ni... salah ke?

..."Inikah dikata.. saat bahagia
Sehati sejiwa untuk selamanya...
Inikah dikata indahnya dunia
Walau sementara
Menjadi bermakna
Disatukan jiwa bersama merasa..
Walau begitu kita seharusnya lebih memahami
Mengharungi rintangan yang meminggir
Oh.. sayang perjalanan begini
Kita hadapi hingga kan ke akhir"...

alrite..alia stop it ok? ermmm... i'm just dead bored. went to jb with the gang last night. total of 3 cars, 13 people. it was crazy. had a group supper at Stulang. so kecoh!! macam ada jemputan gitu.everyone do enjoyed the dishes although it was freaking spicy. what's important dat we had a good time together. yeah.. soon, there'll be more group outings. and yes it all started with just me, ezzad, fadil, ayu and adi. now the group is expending! hah!

ALIA have a crush on someone lately?

let's not go into details. coz i hate details.. heh! we just got to know each other last week. and no it's not a crush. i'm just fond of him. he has the qualities of the type of guy i want.

is he cute?? -qaqa asked me once-

looks doesn't really matters. i love his smile! it melts me... arrrrr......
*pulls hair*

STOP IT EH!!! ish... no time for all this.. waste time!!

singlehood... rawks!! yeah..sometimes..lonely. but wat the heck right? kinda used to it already. feel lonely duduk dalam bilik, kunci pintu sudah. layan kan diri sendiri. tak menyusahkan orang. lagi mulia. i'm just lucky i have frens to irritate.

well... it's time to doze off... ZZzZzzzz time for me.

hehe

2005-08-30T22:36:00.000+08:00

peeps... check this out...

Bachelor Prank

Watch crazy net videos at GoFish.com

klakla arr!! just look at his face...!!!

yayi..i miss you

2005-08-24T12:25:00.000+08:00

i'm still here...

stuck at work...

just thinking of the person i missed most...

Yusoff bin Salleh <1920-2005> my most beloved gramp...

Yayi...

*sigh* its been more than a month since yayi left. i miss him so much. i'm sure nyai miss him as much as i do. she have been so lonely since yayi left.

yayi...

he saw me grew. from an infant till what i am now. he's my one and only grandad that i knew coz my another grandfather passed away long before i was born or even before my mom met my dad. i didn't get to meet him, to feel his love or even to call him 'ATUK'. Yayi was the only one. and the only one that i love and treasure!

may god be with him always.

miss you yayi.

i think i gotta end here... i'll cry if i keep on thinking about it.
*controlling my tears*
i feel rather emotional today. it's like everything goes very wrong today.
maybe...*thinking* i'm gonna have my gal thing tmr or the day after...
just wait la.

have to go back to work now.

bananza..

2005-08-23T17:18:00.000+08:00

today...

my day starts with 'Bismillah' and ends with 'Alhamdulillah'...

a very long day at work. volunteered to overtime 2hrs to cover one flight as there wasn't enough staff. and tomorrow, will be another similar day at work.

have been party hard last week. on thursday, went to Double O with my so called 'long lost frens' to celebrate one of their birthday. happening place with happening crowds unlike Momo. drinks are cheap too! $3 for shots and $12 for jugs. that's what i call CRAZY! oh well... there's rais, khidzir, shahril, along(bday boy), george, hafidz, didi and farhan. i was the only girl. but it's ok. i'm used to them already and they treat me like a sister to them. for once, i felt so pampered! hah!!

Friday, went momo with Fyza. Rais and Khidzir joined us. met liza, jamal, ezzad and friends there. too bad that day wasn't a good day for me. i was there on the wrong time and with the wrong people. just regret it! totally a bad experience tho'...
wish aqa was there...*sigh* and momo was sickening coz it's packed to the max! haaaaa..... won't go there on friday anymore...

this weekend, i'm outta town. if you miss me, tagg me ok!

anyways... took some pics on thursday and friday...

chow... gotta get some sleep...ZzZZzzzzZZZzzz..................

dear nobody...

2005-08-17T22:39:00.000+08:00

and today...

my life is so meaningless...

dear nobody,

it's been 6 months exactly since i finished with him. it isn't any easier. and obviously, i can't stop thinking about him. sometimes, i used to feel years older than him. sometimes i used to feel really impatient with him for being so romantic, so impractical. i know now that that's what i miss most about him. he would think that if he just put his arms round me and loved me, everything would be alright again. sometimes,now, i almost believe that's true.

I talked to mom this evening, at last. it wasn't easy. i asked mom if she'd like a glass of tea, which amazed her, but she giggled and said yes. i told mom that i'd finished with him for good. i let the hurt come out then, in front of mom, when i was telling her. she listened quietly. she didn't hug me, or anything, of course. she doesn't know how to. but i was glad she didn't. i wanted to be in control of this.

I told her that i didn't want to get married or live with him and i didn't think he and i should tie each other down. i know that speech off by heart...

yes i know i'm like composing a novel... hah! but i'm so thinking about him that makes me even more crazier. today, would be the last brawl between me and him. and after that, we're no more. not even friends or lovers. we're strangers. his words hurt me so much. i don't even want to think about it. he spoilt my mood today. and now, thanks to him, i feel so duper down. don't expect things would became more complicated.

fuck it.

boredom

2005-08-16T22:53:00.000+08:00

my day...

starts with...

"Bismillah... ya Allah... tenangkan fikiran ku... kuatkan iman yang seakan lemah ini... murahkan rezeki ku dan abang-abang ku... panjangkan umur kaum keluargaku yang tercinta... moga moga ku selamat tinggal dan pulang ke rumahku...amin"

everyday without fail, i'll say my prayers before i step out of my house. hoping to have a good day at work.

eventually,

my mood was spoilt by this bloody indian GIRL. who have been testing my patience ever since... no idea when...
RATHA ANAK KARPAN... memang nak mintak kene tumbuk kat muka. nasib baik aku sabar. kalau tak dah lama tangan ni da dapat jamar muka dia yang sememeh lagi busuk itu. dia tu nak cari pasal dengan salah orang.*scratches head* ceh macam mana nye garang je si budak alia ni.

anyways... fuck it with that bloody shithead.

reached home quite early today. scheduled to last hour break and at 2200hrs,i reached home safely. had dinner with mom and dad. and it's shower time. i feel so fresh now!

my back aches so badly. *ouch* need massage desperately!
mom to the rescue!

gotta sleep early tonight...

have to accompany grandma to hospital tomorrow with mom...

party animal

2005-08-16T00:45:00.000+08:00

[peace upon you my fellow human beings]

its been a very tiring week for me. *sighs*
anyways.. how's my new blog skin? nice? heh! inspired by my brother, Abu. thankz bro!

have been partying hard on my weekends. Saturday night went to momo and last night went to hard rock. and yea... saw saiful at hard rock... saiful=ex boyfriend. kekek punya kes la. he wanted to chill with me so i just say ok. talk about things. and off i go to the dance floor. hmmmm... when i was at the dancefloor, a group of piranas surrounded me! yes i was disguisted! but i dun wanna spoil my mood. i just go with the flow. Saiful saw. he came to save me. *phew*
my day was saved by my first love. haha... craps!
this friday going momo again. i just wanna party hard la...

and yes for the first time i club, i wasn't feeling high at all... improvement! heh!

skarang pinggang aku macam nak patah! working tomorrow. gotta sleep now.

sick sick sick

2005-08-11T02:12:00.000+08:00

[As-MaK-Le-KooM!]

hmmm.. i have another new born kittens.. cute sangat!!! so i have a total of 6 cats in my house.. ahak! suka collection kucing~

anyways.. i'm not feeling rather well today. had bad rashes everywhere... aku da macam orang penyakit kulit pulak! went to see doctor and the doctor was shocked to see my condition. she told me she never seen rashes as bad as mine. so imagine how bad it is. and imagine how my family survived my complains! gawd... i know i was irritating but i couldnt help it! i was restricted to scratch and everytime i scratch, there's surely someone shouts at me... and suddenly i feel so helpless... help!!

i'm not sure if i can make it to work tomorrow. but i will try my very best. bored at home. home equals to sleep, eat, sleep, internet, complains,eat and back to sleep. tak boleh macam gini lah...

today, i quarrel with mimi. macam biasa la. he find faults out of the blues. and yes its always me,me and ME! Trying to make me feel guilty. damn it la that guy. i'm so stressed up. "you and your frens..tak habis habis..." if my frens wasn't there for me i wonder what the hell happened to me sia... he left me just like that, claimed that he had another gal and want to marry her, said that i wasn't good enough for him... but why now you come back? how can i even understand GUYS??? liars... full of denials!

talked to Nelly... i was telling her that i gave up on guys... i want to change for good. haha... LESBIAN? that was on my mind. seriously. i'm so fet up! lost hope.HEADACHE!
nelly screamed at me. she said the most lamest thing that makes me laugh out loud on the phone. "ALIA!! you're too pretty to be a lesbian! i'm afraid i will fall for you..!!" nelly.. nelly..
full of craps la that girl...

adios.. have to sleep. this drugs really strong ok!
*scratch*

Happy National Day!

2005-08-09T17:43:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Singaporeans!

designing a new blog skin for my blog and i expect it to be ready e next week. and yes this time i'm doing it by myself. my brother,abu, he's always busy with his own schedules. and he claimed that he has no time to do it for me. kinda miss him. didn't get to meet him altho' we live together.

anyways...

waiting for qaqa to call me. we're going somewhere to celebrate national day. Semangat kan? haha... might be going to watch fire works around central. maybe esplanade. ala.. anywhere la.. as long as we get to witness the fireworks clearly and somewhere not crowded.

Ezzad and all went to Zoo. he asked me to tag along but i was working. and i'm not interested to go. haha. i tot i was the only one. rupa-rupanya qaqa and fifi pun sama!

Yesterday was Mimi's 27th Birthday. Sent a birthday msg by sms. and my system shuts down from 1600hrs to 0230hrs... had ENOUGH sleep! and i was so fresh at work for the first time. heh!

got to go now. qaqa's out and i have to be at the usual place before she arrives. or else....... hehe!

dun't phunk wif my heart~~

2005-08-06T16:18:00.000+08:00

[No,no,no,no... don't phunk with my heart!]

mimi's out of town. holiday with his family at Tioman. borrowed my iPaq. hopefully i'll get it back in one piece. hmmm... mom and dad wanna bring me out to shop. "mak,ayah... yaya nak mainan! nak gi toys-r-us!!!" hehe... mcm budak budak sey...

its a duper lazy saturday today... and i belom mandi lagi!
*sniffs*
anyways.. check out this website...
JOB PREDICTOR
it actually predicts your career. just enter your name or your fren's name. and *poof* it'll predict. funny. also try LIFE PREDICTOR

[....Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes...]

"alia, sedihnye blog kau... macam nak nangis aku."- yea rite nelly. bitch! haha... was on the phone with nelly, my ex colleague. did some catching ups. she's the best bitch ever! hahaha... sorry nelly flabby belly. *evil laugh* she's married, had 2 kids and now expecting another. super bitchy mommy. and she's only 23 years old. still very havoc.. she still club eventho she's pregnant. her hubby, very sporting. i wonder, what kind of wife and mother will i be in the future? most of my married friends still clubs... *sigh* it depends on the hubby rite... hmmmmmm...
Told Nelly about what happened between me and Mimi... yes, she screams at me. it was a bad idea to tell her. "Alia, syg tau...putus mcm gitu aje! kau ok tak? patut la kau hilang je...memang jantan tu tak guna. kenapa jadi mcm gini?? Lia..Lia..." she goes on and on and on.. like a typical mother who nags and nags and nags... Nelly.. Nelly... mcm mana la lakik kau tak syg sangat ngan kau... mulut celoteh kalah mak nenek!

alrite.. haf to bathe! mom's screaming already..
"ALIAAAAAAA!! CEPAT MANDI...*silent*...ALIAAAAAAAA!!!
it will definately goes on unless i pop out in front of her...
my mom is much more annoying than me! *sigh*

story line

2005-08-05T22:19:00.000+08:00

[as-ma-lek-kom!]

just woke up... *ei alia bushuk!* had no plans tonight... but i'm sure those blokes will text me later... :) had been a goodie this week. 'good improvement!'.......-mom

have not been meeting my girls for weeks! miss em so many many... and yes, just in a mood to update pictures. since i miss my girls... craps!

the Losers...

Qaqa,the pretty blur queen..

Fifi,the sweet angry girl..

Yaya,the cute cry baby..ya as if..heh!

the cry baby, the girl-next-door and the angry girl...
yes, we do have our own personalities. that makes us so special! yada yada yada...

my chicas and i... always spend quality time together.

there's always something to talk about...

to make fun of...

and make a fool of ourselves...

making 'horror' movies (but tak jadi punya kes)...

got drunk and laugh for no reason...

its a must to have a satisfying supper...

mouth watering drinks...

sweet candies...

not forgetting, our oxygen...

after bitching about one another...

the day ends with hugs...

and kisses... ewwww... not like this la...

ngeh.heh!

miss my girls... so so much la

qaqa - tag me... hehe... heart u!

hmmmm

2005-08-03T01:26:00.000+08:00

mimi u suck!!

ku kesali...

2005-08-01T22:38:00.000+08:00

[assalamualaikum]

today, i spent my day at home. went to see doctor in the afternoon and met toyol for lunch at century square. rent a book just for reading pleasure. bored and fet up. i just wanna be alone. ewan text me asking if i wanna join them for supper but i wasn't in a mood to meet them. ermm.. couple's supper time so why must i be a gooseberry? supper at home lagi better. working at 0400hrs later. i rather rest at home.

SATS function at 57 Chevvy.

ya i was there and obviously i drank alot. free flow for soft drinks and also "ermmm" drinks. how can i stop if they keep on refilling my mug? its their fault that made me drunk. *tsk tsk* and ya.. i don't even know who sent me back, safe and sound. i think maybe one of my colleagues. *sigh*
bad bad girl~

have been totally emotional lately... i don't know how am i suppose to control my feelings. have been living in a sucky life. with a bunch of sucky people around and sucky environment. everything sucks.

working on my rest day

2005-07-29T09:08:00.000+08:00

[assalamualaikum]

oh well... there's no other place like WORK,WORK and WORK! i'm working on my rest day. yes. ALIA is working on her rest day. big deal? i dun think so...

Dimanakah kan ku cari,
rasa rindu bersamamu.
Tak kan mungkin
memori kan kembali lagi.
Bicaramu ku hayati,
Senyumanmu ku ingati,
Kini tiada guna ku tangisi.

Ku tak perduli budimu tidak ku hargai
Sangsi ku ragui di hati
Nyata kini ku rasa sepi.
Kau telah tiada, pergimu tanpa sebarang pesan.
Prasangka ku kini berakhir
Ku berdosa kerna tidak mencintai mu.

Rasa kesal bergelora,
Rasa sepi tak terperi.
Hanya tinggal kenangan denganmu.
Kehilangan itulah yang ku rasakan,
Hanyalah doaku kau tenang disana.
Doaku kau tenang disana.

*sigh*
Kehilangan?

Anyways. i think i need to sleep. maybe i'll feel much more better. maybe i'll stop thinking of him.i'm forcing myself. it's really depressing and it's torturing me! dammit. why do i fall for him in the first place? and he sms me...

mimi: i think you are starting to fall for someone else.

me: eyyy..mana tauuuuuuuuuuu????

mimi: I love you but you don't love me.

me: but that is wad you wanted right? why regret?

mimi: please give me one last chance...

dammit... i was speechless... i couldn't answer him. did he just said dat he still loves me? maybe he just wanna make me feel better. actually i try not to fall for those words anymore. i fall too fast in the past. and i don't wanna repeat the same mistakes again. i know i'll be hurt again. i'll cry again. awwwww... it's so painful. i can't bare it anymore.

--->aku redha. ya allah yang maha kuasa lagi penyayang. kuatkan iman hambamu yang amat lemah ini.tunjukkan ku ke arah yang cerah lagi ceria. bimbingkan lah aku ke cahaya yang benar.... amin.

today's entry..

2005-07-27T18:57:00.000+08:00

[assalamualaikum]

looking at his picture. i feel like screaming! arrrrrgggghhh! you drive me crazy. can i kill you? please.........?

[Kepadamu kekasih, aku berserah
Kerana ku tahu kau lebih mengerti
Apa yang terlukis di cermin wajahku ini, apa yang tersirat di hati
Bersama amali
Kepadamu kekasih, aku bertanya
Apakah kau akan menerimaku kembali, atau harus menghitung lagi
Segala jasa dan bakti atau harus mencampakku ke sini
Tanpa harga diri
Hanya padamu kekasih aku serahkan
Jawapan yang belum ku temukan yang bakal aku nantikan
Bila malam menjemputku lena beradu
Kepadamu kekasih aku serahkan
Jiwa dan raga juga segalanya
Apakah kau akan menerima penyerahan ini
Apakah kau akan menerimaku dalam keadaan begini....]

mimi,
you SUCKS big time!

the unlucky one

2005-07-24T00:58:00.000+08:00

[as-mak-le-kom!]

couldn't sleep.i've tried my very best.but i still can't sleep!

*she's singing*
..."Got my fingers burnt
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don’t know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground"...pete murray

*sigh* working tomorrow,the day after tomorrow and followed by the day after tomorrow tomorrow and then my rest day. but i'm working.haf to work.i need to earn a lil bit more for this bangkok trip.i wanna shop and enjoy myself.just wanna have fun that's all.then, september mite be going to Bali with Mimi.maybe la...

feeling so aggitated.i need sleep for god sake!i guess i just have to keep on trying.i have to sleep.i'm freaking working tomorrow dammit!PERIOD.

Whats up today?

2005-07-22T15:12:00.000+08:00

[peace upon you]

woke up quite late today.parents ain't home, aki work and abu?? no idea.hungry now but i'll grab a bite later.not working today.had a bad swollen ankle since last week.*ouch*

What's up TONIGHT?
oh well...the usual thing of coz.meeting the blokes for a slacking session tonight.every friday is our super slacking day.and tomorrow,back to work.i miss work actually.and sumthing always happen which restricted me to come to work.damn it! anyways,i met Mimi last night.just to slack with him.we had dinner at amiran's cafe.and of coz he and his corny + lame jokes made my day.hahaha.. that lame guy.he's a super LOSER!oopsss..sorry baby!

Now listening to super emo songs.wat a day to start with.hahaha...today is a very moody day.the weather is so gloomy.that makes me even more lazy to clean up my room.but what the hell...i still have to clean up before mom's back or she'll screams!

Anyways, dude and dudettes, check out this website
www.ojar.com
if you're a shades and bikini lover. check this webby out. i'm sure you'll love it!
in fact i've fallen in love with the range of bikinis. it's too CUTE!

ok.. have to eat. i'm super starving! adios!

Shall i love thee...

2005-07-19T02:40:00.000+08:00

[as-sa-lam-mak-le-kom!]

i'm too tired to sleep... don't know what i should do now... i hate off days! eat,sleep,eat,go out,drink,drunk,eat and back to sleep... what's happenning to me sia... *shakes head* ishhh ishh ishhhkkkk!

hmmm.. Shall i like thee?

01. you're such an idiot.. how can i fancy someone like you?

02. i hate you coz ur too sweet!

03. you're over protective towards me.

04. i dislike you coz you're always nice to me.damn u.

05. you're always there for me.but why??

06. how can i even understand you're childish behaviours??

07. your smile... really melts me... WHY??

08. your kisses, really meant something.i do felt it.

09. why can't you just tell me that you want me?actions speaks more than words?

10. why must it be you??why?

STILL....

thinking about what happened that day... thankz to ezzad and ewan for reminding me... last night, i dreamt of Yan. i get so paranoid! woke up called ayu and fall asleep again. and dream again.damn it sia.i'm so frustrated! told qaqa, but she laughed at me instead.*sigh*.maybe i'm just over reacted.i hope Yan would just forget and won't talk about it.i hope that he never realised what had happened.crossing my fingers now.till next outing.i hope we'll be just as what we were.i dun wanna even think about it.i'll get paranoid!omg.ok enuf.PERIOD.

BANGKOK trip.
Looks likee there's only 4 peeps confirmed going.myself,ezzad,dil and yan.hope qaqa can come.i need a girlfren for a shopping partner.tho those blokes can be a good partner but tak kan lah dorang nak kene membontot aku je eh?hmmmm...

STILL,

thinking about it.

*sigh*

birthday surprise..

2005-07-17T14:20:00.000+08:00

[Haa-Lu...]

SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO THOSE BLOKES for the best birthday gift ever! yeah... they actually booked a hotel room at Changi V Le Meridian to celebrate my birthday... so sweet... complete with a chocolate cheese cake from secret recipe (my favourite)... thankz Qaqa,Ezzad,Wan,Jaja,Yan and Fadil... Fyza wasn't there.. so sad laa... anyways, i really do enjoyed myself...

Everyone was drunk except Jaja... Talk rubbish and things happened.. GAWD! hahaha.. yeahhhhhh... yan was DRUNK! and he's totally corny ok.. i didn't expect this would happen coz it have never happen before. ok. i was already gone,K.O. and i slept on his lap. hmmmmmmmm... won't go to details but things happened... :)hahahahah....
shit..shit..shit... hahaaaa... but he's drunk, so i think its just an accident.period

Anyways,
Yesterday was my bro's engagement. Everything was so good. It went fine till it ends.
nothing interesting. Only when me and abu got so aggitated and we start to bitch about aki's friends... it was so funny... Obviously the house was so packed and kecoh..

......i'm still *blushing* i dunno why... hahahahahhahaa...

i'm Out!!!!!

watz up between me and him?

2005-07-13T11:17:00.000+08:00

[Check this out... it's our horoscope]

Cancer & Leo
When Cancer and Leo make a love match, they understand and know how to satisfy basic emotional needs within one another. Both these Signs require dedication and tender, loving care, but while Cancer seeks stability and emotional harmony, Leo craves heartfelt compliments and sincere admiration. Both are strongly loyal, even to the point of possessiveness, Cancer for safety's sake, Leo for the sake of their self-confidence. They are also both committed to a enduring, rewarding connection. Since their desires are similar, a Cancer and a Leo may fill very important voids in each other's lives.
Both Leo and Cancer prefer comfort and security, and they prefer both on a grand scale. Cancer and Leo enjoy a lovely home and a close-knit family. Leo provides the flair and the passion, and Cancer brings to the home a sensitive but intense instinct to nurture. Leo is the bigger and bolder and more vivid of this couple, the picture of majesty and status. Because both Signs are so strong-minded, these two must always work attentively to understand and accept one another.
The intense and emotional Moon (Emotion) rules Cancer, while the bright, bold Sun (the Self) rules Leo. The Sun is about ego and self, radiating warmth and light, and vibrant Leo indeed radiates this kind of energy and enthusiasm. The Moon concerns itself with nurturing, with creating and maintaining emotional connections. This combination of masculine and feminine energy is why the Sun and the Moon adore and sustain one another other as they do. The Sun represents life, and The Moon cultivation and growth; as long as they are mindful of their inherent differences, their combination can be a positive one.
Cancer is a Water Sign, and Leo is a Fire Sign. Leo strives with an ardent energy toward praise and appreciation, while Cancer yearns more for security and stability. Both Signs like to take charge, but they come at a leadership role from very different directions. No small number of disputes can rise from this difference. As long as Cancer and Leo never take for granted their relationship, as long as they reassure one another in practical and romantic ways that this relationship is important to both of them, they can usually find a happy medium.
Cancer is a Cardinal Sign, and Leo is a Fixed Sign. Under stress, Leo becomes opinionated and stubborn, and Cancer can act as a subtle manipulative force. Cancer's the persistent initiator of shared plans, and Leo channels their energies and works doggedly to move plans to completion. If given the choice, the Crab would choose a calm and stable life, having no need for glamour or acclaim. Leo, on the other hand, loves to shake things up and embraces the unexpected and the novel. Though a Leo and a Cancer may commit emotionally to a relationship, each of them can continue to follow their natural instincts AND devote themselves thoroughly and completely to one another. If, however, they haven't made their love intentions clear to one another, they may find themselves on a never-ending emotional roller coaster ride. Cancer, hiding behind that innocent shell of theirs, can be the more quietly controlling of this pair and might -- to a degree -- manipulate their Leo loved one when it seems practical to do so.
What's the best aspect of the Cancer-Leo relationship? Their mutual commitment to a sincere relationship. Together this pair can share a supportive, positive and healthy vibe. People see them as a winning combination, and their mutual desire for a secure, loving relationship makes them strive for harmony.

Me -- 14th July 1985(Cancer)
Him--08th August 1978(Leo)

all cried out..

2005-07-12T10:34:00.000+08:00

Quote of the day--
"When you find a guy that is worth your tears he will not make you cry".
-------------------------------------------
My unintended,
When I first met you, I was besotted, there was a certain aura about you and I knew you were my dream man. 2 yrs later I'm shattered, disillusioned and on the verge of breaking down. You came, conquered and left. And now, you're back again but I doubt it won't be like what it used to be. I've moved on like what you told me to do. I've granted your wish although it wasn't easy for me to do so. I forced myself to be strong and I've achieved it. Look, who's stronger? I've won your game, what happened to you?

I should hate you. But why my heart still beats faster when I think of you?

No one is perfect in this world. God created us to be different in so many ways. We both live in two different worlds and there's so many reasons why fate brought us back again. Not as a lover but as a companion to one another. There'll be no answer but only God knows why.

We can still try but I doubt that we could make it happen this time. Time past so fast and we've changed alot. Our worlds are so far apart. You're too high that I felt so small whenever our eyes met.

You said you love me in every text you sent. I wasn't sure if you're sincere but those text meant so much to me. I wrote it in my diary just to keep those words. Reading it every moment make me feel alive. You've tried so many ways to win my heart still I'm too stubborn to give it to you. I'm just petrified... I'm afraid that you'll leave again. And will lose you not as a friend but also a companion.

May God Bless You... suhaimi bin salim...

all tanned and dried

2005-07-11T06:38:00.000+08:00

[as-ma-le-kom.....!]

guess wat.. finally ITS JULY! heh! ;) 3 more days to go and i'm a year older...
wow... how fast time past *phew*

anyways...
i'm at work now. supose to start at 0400hrs but i overslept. reported to work at
0530hrs instead. 2 staffs didn't turn up this morning... *sigh
Went to Sentosa on last friday with qaqa. yea.. just the 2 of us.. the tanning session
went out great! nice sun, peaceful environment, very relaxing. both of us enjoyed
ourselves. after tanning, we had a nice bottle of chilled drink before heading east.
qaqa went home right after that but i had a date in which i turned up very LATE!

Date??! with who sia...??
it was Mimi.. yea.. we have been meeting quite often nowadays. well... what do i have
to say?? it's just dat i miss going out with him.. ;/
I'M NOT ATTACHED YET! dun get me wrong. me and mimi, we're frens... close frens.
we still wanna date other ppl but our schedule's too tight. with work, family and stuff.
but isn't it ironic?
with tight schedules, family, frens and stuff... we still have time for one another....
hmmmm..... *thinking*
no comments then... totally no comments... *shuddup

Alrite.. this weekend's my brother's engagement day. another function for this year.
mom is very busy with the preparation. and she's coordinating it all by herself..
my mom, she's a super woman!
Sparing time for family and also to my old and lonely grandma.
Last week, my one and only gramp passed away peacefully. miss him so much now.
miss him so badly... the last time i met him was on Hari Raya Haji and after that, i didn't
even have the time to visit him after that coz my working hours are so crucial. till
his very last breath, i didn't get to see him. (felt like crying now..*tahan-ing)
yea.. i knew i wasn't a good grandaughter, but i hope that he'll be fine up there.
after the funeral, i dreamt of him frequently. i miss him so so much... ;(

anyways.. Ezzad & Yan, thanks for attending to his funeral. and i really do much
appreciate it if both of you stop making fun of me..
EVERYTIME they'll say:
"Alia... apasal bau cadar/bantal ni? ko tak mandi ke?"
Dammit u guys~~ heh!
And Ewan, thanks for sharing with me about your 'VERY INTERESTING' dream.
i'll swear it'll never ever happen,ok? and stop telling me things about dejavu and
stuffs.. coz it scares me! really scares me. or i'll tell your wifey! heh!

Well..........
3 more days... simply can't wait! haha.... chow chin chow!!!

ZzzzzzzzzZZzzzZzZzZZZZZZZOO000ooo0oooOOMmmMmmmMmmmm....!!!!!

noti girl~

2005-06-29T15:49:00.000+08:00

how'z my new look??... hahaha...

maafkan

2005-06-28T23:42:00.000+08:00

Kasih maafkan aku
Tiada inginku melukaimu
Dan kini kau tinggalkan aku

Hanya dlm hatiku
Ku ungkap semua penyesalan aku
Kini ku ingin disisimu

Bila ku masih dihatimu
Simpan cintaku
Kembali la untuk ku
Kuingin selalu disisimu
Maafkanlah aku
Kasih

---------------------------------------------------------------

WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING TODAY?

hey... just came back from mall. watched 'Alot like love' with
aza and ayu. had dinner with aza and had another heart to heart talk
session with aza.

WHAT'S THE STORY?

nah... maybe i'm just too emotional about what have been happening
lately. too emotional... i dun wish to talk about it tho'....
IT SUCKS!

Tell me, how can i even trust people? even if they're the closest fren
you have... or even someone you call sister/brother...
sometimes, they just cheat you without knowing.
WHY? is it always me who have to 'jaga hati org'? SUCKS LA!

ANYWAYS.....................

i'm so not in a mood now. what am i feeling now...

-cheated
-all emo
-sick
-totally NOT IN A MOOD!

however,
i had a great time last night. had slumber party at ayu's. i know
she's trying to make me happy. yeea... i felt better after eating the
half tub of butterscotch ice cream. erk! stress=gain weight!
oh noo... should not be in this state right now! i can't afford to
gain weight... damn it!

anyways.. gotta go rest in peace...

ChoWzzzzzzz.....

helena

2005-06-27T00:19:00.000+08:00

Long ago
Just like the hearse you died to get in again
We are so far from you
Burning on just like a match you start to incinerate
The lives of everyone you knew
And whats the worst to take, from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like a blade you stake
Well I've been holding on tonight

[Chorus]
Whats the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
And whats the worst you take, from every heart you break
And like a blade you stake
Well I've been holding on tonight

[Chorus]
Whats the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Do we deserve
to leave the earth?
Do we learn
When both our cars collide?

[Chorus]
Whats the worst that I could say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

--ermmmm... kinda love this song so much... My Chemical Romance...
should see the video clip.. very interesting and nice...
haha...

anyways, i was called to recall to work just now. errrrr.... kinda
tired la.. didn't get enuf sleep.. the night before, i met mimi for supper..
just supper... i was complaining that i was hungry. maybe, i've annoyed him.
but... wad the hell...
last week, we talked about things...

mimi to me: you helped me alot.. why are you so damn good to me? why we end up like this?
me to mimi: as a human, i've done my part by helping ppl who needs help. i treat all humans good. damn good.but i wasn't appreciated and in fact ppl
look down on me.. but i'm cool...i can't answer your question..
coz i'm not god :)
mimi to me: i am talking about US not other ppl. who look down on you? I just wanna know what happened to us? you are the most helpful, kind, you're
so great and everything about you is more than what i expect..
its hard to meet a girl like you.. you're one in a million...

Errrrrrrrrrrrr.... PAUSE....

brain jam! arrrgghhh!! *pain..pain* not nice~~~

me to mimi: *speechless* now, lets allow fate to answer to our
unanswered questions.. lets just do what fate tells us to do... but for now,
we're NOTHING more than frens...

mimi to me: *blank msg*

errrrrmmmm... hahahha.. aku rasa dier pon brain jam.. da sot agak nya...

However,

There's nothing to talk about us anymore.. coz i've forgive and have forget
whatever had happened last time... i tot he've gone out of my mind...
but... he's presence's still stays... i don't know why...
but i'm trying my best.. let fate do it's job...

26th june

2005-06-26T01:14:00.000+08:00

[as-ma-leee-kooMm!! kheehehehe...]

Dear diary
Today I saw a boy
And I wondered if he noticed me
He took my breath away

Dear diary
I can't get him off my mind
And it scares me
'Cause I've never felt this way
No one in this world
Knows me better than you do
So diary I'll confide in you

Dear diary
Today I saw a boy
As he walked by I thought he smiled at me
And I wondered
Does he know what's in my heart
I tried to smile, but I could hardly breathe
Should I tell him how I feel
Or would that scare him away
Diary, tell me what to do
Please tell me what to say

Dear diary
One touch of his hand
Now I can't wait to see that boy again
He smiled
And I thought my heart could fly
Diary, do you think that we'll be more than friends?
I've got a feeling we'll be so much more than friends

ermmmm.... something happened today at work... *evil laugh*
can't stop smiling... :) :) :) :) :)

ANYWAYS....

went to Coco Latte with aqa,aza,ezzad and adi last night.
not so happening laa.. so i dun really enjoy myself..
got myself hung and did nonsense things.. everyone was
i'm not alone... everyone became so emotional, i dun know why...
shit la... hahahhaaa it was quite funny actually.

guess what.. i've been listening to Britney Spears songs.. SUNGGUH~
i'm not kidding.. i just think the lyrics in her songs describes me..
hahaha.. *STOP IT* siaaaaa....Alia.. Alia.. tsk..tsk..

22ndjun05

2005-06-22T00:58:00.000+08:00

[as-ma-le-kom pe-pol]

geezzz...today seems to be my happiest day of my life..
WHY?
my pc is BACK! haha.. soon, i'll be spending the rest of my free
times in my room. thankz to my neighbour who repaired it.

alrite..its been long since i last update my blog. have been busy
at work, afternoon shifts and stuffs. so tiring actually. but i fine
with it tho'. anyways, i just had my hair reborned just now. gatal~
kinda like it so much.. since my curly hair was so unmanagable and so
tak lawa..heh! actually, i still prefer straight hair... :)me like!

nowadays...

have been spending most of my times with aqa and aja. macam da lama tak
hang out together gitu.. miss all those crapy jokes!
and we have been going to johor almost every week! haha... kind of a
"family" outing.. with ezzad,aqa,aza,ewan,jaja and the cute lil baby nady..

anyways..

me and mimi are back in contact again. just as a friend.
but he seems like treating me more than friends,ok. Pening
kepla ku~
after what he have said to me, i still can forgive him. tho' i observed
that he changed alot. giving me more attention and stuffs... hmmmmm....
maybe its not the time yet laa... i'm not ready..

well...

gotta go work now! chow~~

30may

2005-05-30T09:55:00.000+08:00

[assalamualaikum manusia~ Hi everybody...!]

Today's topic...
(drum rolls) then (applause)

20 Things You Don't Know About Me

1. I'm a nagger.
2. When i was young, i own a recording studio(in my bedroom)
Complete with a radio with a voice recorder and a few used cassette
tapes that my mom use for some religious hearing at the mosque. In my room,
i'll sing all the nursery rhymes and became the best singer back then in
K1 & K2.
3. I spend hours staring at the mirror.
4. I love ninja turtle back then when i was 4 years old.
5. I play wrestling with my brothers in my parent's bathtub.
6. Father's pet.. dats me.
7. I'm a left hander but scientifically, i use my right brains to think.
8. I love to sing... in the toilet.
9. Still sleep under my mom's armpit.
10.Love to be isolated in the dark but my brother will spoil the
embiance... he's such a spoiler!
11.I'll cry everytime i watch Hindi movies. tho' i've watched it for so
many times~ repeated telecast... heh!
12.Managed to stop pissing on my bed at the age of 14.
13.Talking to myself is a stress reliever. I'll talk anything under the
sun. Maybe about myself,work or BOYS~ hahah... I dun need a diary actually,
the walls in my bedroom hears eveything. Sometimes, i'l talk till i fall
asleep... call me crazy but i've been doing it for so many years till
my parents tot that i have an imaginary friend...heh!
14.When i start to stare blankly, beware, that's when i'm thinking of a
topic to talk about before i fall asleep at night.
15.My nose bleeds everytime i stand under the sun for a few minutes. During
Primary School days, i couldn't even join an event for my sports day..
pathetic?? I'm always under the shades...
16.I love the scent of BELACAN.
17.Eat raw carrots and tomato.
18.Love kids. Sometimes i wonder, when can i have my own kids.. hahaha..
craps!
19.I'll faint when i see blood... even during my monthly periods, i'll
not look below..hmmmmm...
20.I'll get paraniod when:-
*someone suddenly shouted at me
*my nails breaks
*gastric attacks me.. i will not eat anything and i can go crazy!
*my palms begins to sweat. that's when i'm really really nervous. i'll start
to mumble stupid things.

hmmmmmmm... there's actually more to reveal but i'll keep it for the next
topic.. got to go meet aja for dinner..
Chow Chin Chow~~!!

ZzZZzzzzZZZzzzzooo000o0o0o0oo0oomMMmMMmmmmMMMMMMmmmmmm.....!!!!

28th may

2005-05-28T12:52:00.000+08:00

[assalamualaikum Islam! hahah... how are you???]

hey... it's indeed a tiring day today. I've been complaining to everyone,
i even scolded my parents for disturbing me when i was busy... Sorry
mama and papa.. you know i love you~

Anyways,

Fred,
Thanks for the breakfast.. really appreciate it so much but i didn't
expect you to come.. gave me a shock! Promise me not to do that again,
pls??? i know i was annoying.. complaining and stuffs but next time,
just ignore me... you should know, complaining is my hobby~ heheeee...
hey, but you're so nice, ok? thanks again! I own you one!

hmmmmmm....
i think i should stop complaining.... i've annoyed lots of ppl today...

still waiting...
for the moment of truth... 1330 home sweet home here i come! i'm so
exhausted(ermmm...ok,complain)ok ok ... how to stop?? told ya i'm a complain
queen~~~ ;)

ermmmmmmsssssss....................

*PPPppsssstTTt*
i miss him actually... but he don't want me anymore.... :(
sad lor... but i'm happy... happy coz i will be able to get or do
what i want...

alrite have to go.........Chow Chin ChoW!!!!!

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZo00000ooooooooooo0000000mmmmMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm!!

at work~~

2005-05-26T14:03:00.000+08:00

[wassup wassup~ kentot kuar asap~~]

i'm so so free now. no duties assigned for me. hmmmm...
tell me what should i do now~??

but...

later in the evening, i'll be so so busy. anyways, went out with
ayu yesterday to have dinner with her at swensons. she's off to US
tomorrow and i'll be so lonely for the next 2 weeks... well, i'll
miss her so much. *sigh*

*LATEST UPDATES*

Nothing much... my eldest brother is gettin engage the day after my bday.
hmmm... can't wait for that special day. and guess wat...!
my dad is getting for me something special for my birthday..
*thinking*

anyways...

i kinda 'don't really like' someone in my team. it's for me to know...
she's gettin more and more proud after being promoted. hmmm... noo comments..
like as if it's a fucking BIG deal being in a higher status. i don't give a
damn BITCH! (ezzad & Ayu, you should know who..coz i've been complaining to
both of you all about that stupid BITCH!...'DAMN IT')
and the other one... buat kerja tak tau, tangkap jambu, wahhhh... EXPERT!
hentahlah.... luckily i'm so independent... *sigh*

hmmmmm.... got to go grab a bite.... Chow Chin Chow~~~!!!

ZzzzzzzzZZZZZzzzzzz0000oooo000000ooooooMmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMmmmm!!!

4days' off...

2005-05-13T09:45:00.001+08:00

[Peace upon you...]

i'm at work... counting down to my very very 1st 4 days off..haha
tak le sabar.. jangan marah~

Kingdom Of Heaven..
it's a movie to catch.. it's so so good! my ratings, ***** stars!!
watched on Wednesday with Ezzad at Tampines. Very satisfying...
Next movie, Amityville Horror... nak tengok niari jugak!!!
Meeting the rest today evening. wanna get a pair of shoes. PONY,
here i come! bought Le coq Sportif at Queensway last week.

ermmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... 4 days off but i'm coming back
to work on Monday and Tuesday... recall...

Anyways, going town this evening. watch movie and then find my shoes.
meeting Ayu and Ezzad later. Long time no see Fadil.. wonder what happened
to him. He have been keeping things to himself lately. Maybe he has a
problem in which he choose not to share with us.. pity him la..
don't know la... i hope he'll be just fine~~

Still happy??
HELL YEAH!! i'm enjoying my singlehood so so much...
hope it'll be forever coz i'm sick of relationship! yeah SICK!
no men no cry, okk??? jangan marah~~~!??

Got to go babe, see ya when i see yaa...

ZzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZzz0000ooo000000000ooooooooommmmmmmmmMMMMMMMmmmm!!!

4days' off...

2005-05-13T09:45:00.000+08:00

2nd day qoala roster

2005-05-11T09:31:00.000+08:00

[assalamualikum kepada umat islam dan yg bukan islam, Hi,how are you?]

What's my plan today?

After work i'm going to watch movie with my buddies. Meetin Ezzad, maybe
Ayu and Fadil to watch Kingdom Of Heavens, the movie that i wanted to watch
most! Heard it's good... cant wait laaaa....

erMmmMMmmmmmmm... i'm at work now, waiting for the next flight. Had no appetite
to eat coz i think i ate too much last night. Mom cooked the best Kuey Chap ever!
Anyway, i had enough sleep last night. Slept about almost 15 hours!!! no kidding..
Woke up at 3am, just nice for a hot shower and get ready for work... dad sent me off
as per usual.. Lova ya DADdY!

[Long time no see aqa and aja... miss them so so much laaa...]

What's my plan for this coming off days??

Well, me and Ayu planned to go tenting at east coast. Ezzad and Adi
will be joining us but not sure if Yan,Fadil and Su wanna come...
Fadil have been showing his "I'm still sad" face to us since last week...
wonder what happened to him... maybe someone hurt him? or maybe he's just
having mood swings.........???? he's a wierdo~ [fadil, sorry if i hurt your
feelings....you know, i'm just joking... but sometimes i'm not.. no...
i'm just kidding!]
Chat with Toyol on the phone in the morning. He've been such a gr8
companion to me since secondary days.. we've been in talking terms since he
broke up with his girl and i understand that he needs someone to talk to...
what's friends are for rite?? i'm always there for my friends, ok!?
So, i'm not as bad as you think... i'm a good person. i've been such a
goodie since i broke up with that guy... bloody hell!

Any news about him??

he has a girlfriend...and he says that his girl is better than me...-W-
Ya, he's getting married next year June. who cares!!! he's just a jerk
anyway... tak baik sey aku bebual macam gini... busuk busuk pun, dektu
ex aku jugak per... i'm hurt... so hurt by him...
hey but last week, he wanted to meet up but i turn him down. he says that he
miss me..(yaa rite... like as if) and he want to spent time with me for the
last time... yada yada yada... i dun believe all this shits..
kalau dier nyer girl baik sgt dari aku, apasal masih nak jumpa aku eh?
tak ke itu soalan cupu emas??? wierd la..

anyways.... i'm outta here... chow chin chowww..............

ZzzzzzzzzzZZoooo00000oooommmmmmmmMMMMMmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1st day Qoala Roster...

2005-05-10T08:54:00.000+08:00

[lama jugak tak update eh...]

assalamualaikum wr. wb. kepada umat umat islam dan yang sewaktu
dengannya.... Bismillahirahmanirahim....

wah wah, ader perubahan tak?? mak aku tak habis habis bising...
"BILA KAU NAK BERIBADAH????" oh well, ibadah tak lepas la.. tapi
ada kala aku ponteng jugak...maklumlah, masih remaja lagi...
Kasi je 5 tahun kemudian, Alia bukan sembarang Alia lagi.. Alia da jadi
HAJJAH ALIA...CEH~~~!!!!

LATEST UPDATE

Life for me nowadays have been so good! no stress, no tension, and most
important thing.. NO BOYFRIEND! hahha... so free like a bird...

going to USA next 2 months with mom and dad to visit my lil nephew.
hopefully i could take leave...
PRETTY PHuULLLEeeeEssEeee... if my leave is approved, it'll be the
best birthday present ever! i'm not kidding~~
I never had a smashing birthday celebration before,ok!
Every year, something might happen on my birthday....
*sigh*

Am i dating someone new??

HeLL NO! as what i've said earlier, i'm not interested. Even if that guy is so
so my type, i'm not gonna date anyone for now...
see, i'm getting more and more cerewet in finding for the right one.
what's the criteria?? ermmmm..... i'll elaborate it in point form...

-5C's --- Career <-- it's a must...
--- Car <-- not that important but that guy must have at least a
class 3 licence so it'll be easier in the future...
---Credit <-- for my shopping pleasure... :)
---Condo <-- ermmmmmmm.... not important...
---Cash <-- for our future sake... heheh

-Personalities --- i'm fond of guys with mysterious personality.

-Responsibilities

-Loving and caring

-understanding ---yes, this is so important. that guy must be understanding
towards me and i'll love him more than anything else in this
world.... GOD, campak kan lah satu ciptaan mu di depan mata ku..
*AMINNNN*

ermmmmm.... too much to ask for a guy pun tak guna... no one is perfect
in this world.. manalah tau satu ari aku end up dengan orang yang bukan
type aku, tak le tau eh... manalah tau, mcm beauty and the beast ke, or mcm
witch and the kacak... hahaha... entah lahh.... tapi kan, aku tak mengharapkan
tapi aku yakin, aku ni akan jadi anak dara tua atau pun janda dam dam dam...

ishkkk.... astagfiruallahalazim....

haaaahhhh... aku actually malas nak ada balak lagi lagi... waste of time je.
lebih baik hidup sorang, tak menyusahkan sesiapa... haha oklah.... cioww cin chooo!

ZzzZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz00ooo0000MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........!!

3day's off...

2005-04-16T19:49:00.000+08:00

ermm... hi,hello...

Niari lepak kat rumah satu ari suntuk.. had late lunch with
3 lamhau.. ezzad, fadil & aidi.. pastu dorang gi bola.
Ayu..hmm... i think she's asleep.

Last night we went out. like usual, our friendship weekend outing~
went to Labrador Park to chill, had supper at the railway station at
Tanjong Pagar then send Ayu to work. Left with me, aidi and of coz Ezzad
our friendly neighbourhood driver~ went to changi to just to talk about
our sucky relationship problems. We headed home about 0630hrs.

Whats New??

Last week Fadil got to know a girl in team 4 named Saidah. thankz to me, they're
in contact!
Fadil and Saidah seems to get better. I hope the best for Fadil. He needs
a girl!

I'm close to fadil coz among the other 2farts, he smokes. Everytime when i'm
not on the same shift with Ayu, i'll search for him to accompany me for an
oxygen break. That's why i'm close to him. He's a nice guy who always
talk about the same old shits about what he have accountered. The common
topic, FIREMAN DAYS... to him, "THOSE WERE THE DAYS" hahahha... irritating fart!
Ezzad and i, we're close with one another coz we always have the same tots.
He's my second brain! Ezzad will also accompany me for my oxygen breaks.
but not everytime coz he's shift is not fix. sometimes,, morning, sometimes
afternoon and sometimes night. so we dun really meet at work. as for Fadil,
he's always office hours... irritating! ermmm... aidi, just got to know him.
Ayu is much more closer to him. Coz among the 3 off them, he's the only guy
who can layankan ayu... kesian dier kene cubit sampai kudis pun
tetap sayang ayu.. hahahhaa... what are friends are for rite??

Tak lama ayu & ezzad dah nak brenti kerja... tinggal lah aku sorang.
Fadil dah tak boleh harap. Nampak Saidah je Hilang! Sampai aku pun
dier lupa! hah! apa punya members! Nasib la ezzad..ayu.. bill handphone
korang akan melambung gara gara aku! *evil laugh*

Still Lonely...

Mimi messaged me just now... shocked... tho it's just a good morning
msg, it meant soo much to me... i want him back but all i can do
now is to dream on~! i miss him so badly! arrr.. it hurt so much.

Alrite... I have to get over it ok!!!!!

I need a guy~~~!!! but i'm just joking...haha

Dats me,Su and Ayu... having good time at sentosa

The hunkz... Fadil, Ezzad, Yan and Aidi...

3 days leave..

2005-04-09T14:10:00.000+08:00

[dah lama tak update]

i was suppose to go for my medical check up today but i
overslept! anyways.. what the hell... macam lah aku kisah sgt~~...

Last night, met aqa and aja for another slacking session at Ambrosia.
Nadia and Shakur was there too...
Its been a while since i last meet my 2 farts(aqa n aja)...
maklumlah semua da start keje...~~
Oh well, after Ambrosia, Along pick me up to catch a movie. Went
to Ceneleisure to watch The Pacifier.. Cute laa cite tu...

What am i doing tonight?
Obviously, i'm meeting my other fart friends(Ayu,Ezzad,Fadil & Aidi)
for a tenting session at Sentosa. Not really sure of the plan tho'......
Apa yang aku tau, nanti malam dalam kul 8.30, dorang fetch aku...
so now, for the mean time, i can just slack at home and play with my
kittens~ awwwwwww.... i simply love my cats!!!

Amor....No Es Amor...
What am i feeling? What am i doing wrong...
Amor....No Es Amor...
I'm facing illusion,that i have in my heart...

it's been almost a month plus since he left me...
Guys... they are just fickle minded... couldn't make up their bloody
mind! Apa yang buat dia confuse sangat pun aku tak tau...
Dia fikir dia aje yang BETUL! irritating!!

EGOISTIC?? maybe yes maybe no...

Am i seeing someone new??

Obviously, NO! i'm totally heart broken... i'm just making more friends
building my social life with others... i think its better this way.
Date??
Oh no.... i'm not interested in dating someone for this moment...

BUT...

I had a crush on this guy... :) I see him everyday at work...
but dia ni S-L-O-W sangat la.. tak faham faham!
Takpelah.... take your own sweet time... call me when you're ready~
hahahahhaa.......

Lonely.. i'm Mrs Lonely.. I had nobody for my own~~~~~.....

Anyways.. i just wanna say thanks to these people
who have been there for me when i'm down....

Ayu - the first person i call for comfy conversation right after
he left me....

Aqa & Aja - for giving me the power to be strong and motivations..

Ash-eh - hahhahaaaaa.... for keeping quiet~ kidding... i know you're
worried... thankz bro...

Noradilin - for giving me strength to move on...

Kak Zana - for your advises...

Buddy - for listening and enduring to my complains...

Fadil & Ezzad - thanks for making me say every single thing that
was not suppose to be reveal... looks like both of you know my life story
already~~ DAMN!! anyways, thankx for asking me out...

ok thats all folks.. and lastly i would like to thank my mom dad brothers......
hahahhahhaha.. da macam grammy pulak~~

Pics with my 2 other farts...

depressing week...

2005-03-13T16:59:00.000+08:00

"To hear him speak and know,
To be with him and see my love grow,
To laugh for once with happiness,
To sit and watch his seriousness,
To stare into his deep,deep eyes,
To hope he won't make me cry,
To get close to him is quite a goal,
To know what he sees when he looks into my soul,
To give my pain a rest,
He's my first and the last......"

It was indeed a goal to have this poem complete and it took
quite a while to have it as perfect as possible especially for
him... initially, she was happy after presenting it to him but now
it's crushed down the drain like an unwanted doll...

In relationship, there's ups and downs. sometimes, there will be
more downs than up or vice versa.

This is a story of a person i know and whom i'm close with...

She never experience a strong bond of love like what she
have for him now. She never love a guy this much before that's
why he's everything to her.

Things happens when there was a big conflict between them. The
bond begins to loosen a lil bit day by day. almost every week,
they'll quarrel over small matters. And she's always the root
of all faults in his eyes. Whatever happens during the big conflict,
he keeps on blaming her for causing difficulties in the relationship.
She began to feel so small and small day after day. She couldn't
fight for her rights because there's no way for him to own up his
faults.

From a smooth and pleasant relationship, it turns our to be sour
day by day.....

The actual cause of the conflict starts from both party. He have been
ignoring her calls and starts to careless about her... He spends
more time wit his friends more than with her. He's much more happier
with his friends than with her. Whatever that have her in it, he'll
make up excuses... she was so depressed. She felt so lonely.
She had no friends to talk to. She had no one to confide with.
She's all alone. Knowing that he'll not admit his faults, she
decided to move on and leave him. He was so upset,she either, but
to her, that's the only way to run out of this misery that she
encountered. For 2 months, they had space for themselves.

She was confuse. Her mind forced her to leave him but her heart
was calling him back. She didn't know what to do. She missed him so much
but she's afraid that things would not be as what it is as last time.
She had second thoughts its either to move on or to go back to him.
Thinking that her heart beats more and more whenever she says his name,
she follows her heart instead.

They're together till now but...

Situation worsen everytime they quarrel. He'll say that she'll leave
him again. Everytime when he starts an arguement, he'll say that to her.
"you've leave me once, you can do it twice." Her heart shatteres whenever
he says that to her but still she closes one eye and gave in eventhou,she
was not the cause of the arguement. still, she keep on hanging on him...

Her love towards him is too strong and there's no way for her to leave him..

Arguements made me gave up almost everything that i once dream of.
He was everything to me. But i think i'll lose him one fine day...
I'm a total failure.... I lost everything that i love so much..
Faith, Happiness, Love and HIM... i'm a Loser....................

blog again

2005-02-17T22:08:00.000+08:00

i miss him so much~! oh well, mimi will be back on Saturday... another 2 days...
hmmm... 2 days... in silence... don't know why but i'm so dependent on him.
Every single thing that happened to me, small or big, it's a MUST for me to
tell him or share with him. tho he'll just say..."eh??" its good enuf already... ;)
anyways, mimi.. mimi.. mimi...... he's my baby... always be my baby... hehehe...

there have been so much conflicts and confusion in our relationship. ups and downs
that we faced together have made us grew even closer and more love for one another.
We learn from mistakes and hopes that we will not repeat the same thing over and over
again. We grew more mature everyday. Our bond are getting much more stronger than
before. We love one another so much... That is what i have to say... I am dangerously
in love with mimi~

Oh well, since he's comin back on Saturday, i have to fetch him. fetch him at the gate
itself. I'm so lucky to work at the Airport.. hehe.. oh ya.. have to ask for a change shift
with my morning shift colleague tomorrow. It's a must for me to be there to see his
arrival.. I Miss Him So So Very Much!!! i wantto HUG and Suffocate HIM!! heheh
*evil luff*

[have to sleep la.. but i can't... my baby haven't reply my msges... *sigh*]

2005-02-16T18:02:00.000+08:00

Did I hear you right
'Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over

You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where a love once shined so bright
Came without a reason

Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me

Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you, you're almost here
(Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)
And when I hold you, you're almost here
(Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)
(Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears
'Cause I know I'm almost here)
Only almost here

belated valentines...

2005-02-15T22:15:00.000+08:00

[hmmm dah lama tak blog...]
anyhoos... HAPPY BELATED CHINESE NEW YEAR & VALENTINES DAY!

how'z my valentines' day?? very sad... on the day itself, i say
goodbye to my mimi...he went off to Bali for holiday...hey, 1 week
is considered long,ok! i didn't get a kiss from him coz i was in my
uniform...DAMN! :( sad la.............. now, i'm counting the days
for him to come back! Dearie, next time, BRING me WHEREVER u go,ok!

Work... still like a dog... today, suppose to be my rest day, but i
recalled in the morning. i'm so exhausted! reached home @ 1400, had
lunch with mom and dad and went off to have a short nap... i woke up
at 2100... now waiting for aqah to call...

ermmm.... have been dreaming wierd dreams... people whom is never in
my mind came into my dream land... very watever la! but i remembered
what my mom used to say... "When you dream of someone who you never
think of means the person is thinking of you..." scary siaaaaaaa~~
OF COZ, MY DREAMS IS NOT A WET ONE!! whenever i dream of that same
person, i will wake up and laugh... hahaha... funny... why must that
person think of me? we don't even talk to one another!!! never once..
WIERD!!! and everytime i sew that person at work, i'll be laughing
to myself... tak boleh angkat pulakk~~~~

aaaaaaahhhh..... my body aches! have to sleep... it's another
working and laughing day for me tomorrow... ;) au revior~

MISS HIM SOOO SOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my girlfriends...

2005-01-28T13:48:00.000+08:00

PEACE UPON YOU!

drank a glass of milk with oreo for breakfast... lunch? nah.. i'm on diet..
heheheh... still waiting for my girls to call me, i hope today's plan will work ok!
Just feel like updating my blog since my cuzzie have been bugging on me.. ;)
** you're just so sweet Ishda... i didn't know that you'll read my bloggie.. anyways.. muakxzzz!! **

pics was taken on Sunday, 16th January 2005, Our 2nd Club session...

Anyways, how's life? very good for a moment... today's my first off day for the month of January.. hahhhh... see.. i've been working like a DOG and i deserve an
off day...hahaha... actually i was the one who always asked for recall so i
will not complain~

4th badge of jetstar check in staff is coming soon, and everyone is assigned to 1 mentee each but me... my supervisors gave me 2 mentees.. and i'll be one of the permanent morning shift staff soon~ excited! there'll be more time for me to spend at home... ermmm... to clean up my room... hehehe:)

new year~

2005-01-12T18:50:00.000+08:00

hey.. guess what~!! i've permed my hair~~~!!! yeeppieee~~ hahah
anyways... happy new year~

JERA

2004-12-25T20:10:00.000+08:00

HITAM bukan cirimu,
PUTIH juga bukan cirimu,
Jemu ku melihatmu,
Tak BERCAHAYA seperti memudar.

CINTA aku mencinta,
KAMU yang AKU mahu,
Namun tak TEPAT waktu,
Ku sudah JERA dalam percintaan.

SALAM hangat untuk CINTAMU,
Aku yang KANDAS dan PATAH HATI,
Biarlah orang memandang LEMAH,
Aku TAK mahu bercinta LAGI.

ENGKAU yang dulu pernah ku CINTA,
Namun terlanjur kau BERSAMANYA,
Dan kau terluka oleh cintaNYA,
Kini kau hadir ku sudah JERA....

werkkk!

2004-12-14T20:53:00.000+08:00

Hi MateS!

yayaya... i've been missing in action since 21st November...
buzy working laa...and the good thing is, my personal PC is DOWN!
damn it!!! i'm lazy to travel to my parent's room to use their pc
but today i had to coz i've been missing lots of my online thingy!
my blog,my friendster and also my emails... today, i decided to
get everything updaated! yeahhhh....

nothing much to talk about life coz it suckz! my parents have been
leaving me alone with my two brothers to settle some family matters
in malaysia. house was in a mess at first... thankz to my 2nd brother
he's the maid of the house...HIGH PAID MAID~ hehehe...

ermmm...*MiMi*... he's a sweety... love him loads! haha... helped him
with his bike yesterday. he picked me up from work and spent almost 3 hours
with the bike...also known as his sayang~*hmmmphh* oh well... helped out
with the stikers... his bike looked more like a pepsi bike but nice laaa...
he's thinking about sticking loads of stars on it but i told him it'll look
ugly... "sayang, kalau da tampal stars banyak-banyak, da macam...." *i started
saluting and hummed the US national anthem*... Dearie didn't say anything
but he laughed out loud! hahaha... flag america on the roads of Singapore...
crazy.. lainlah kalau ader satu sabit lima bintang... semangat singaporean...
well... for the mean time he'll stop doing anything to the bike and
think of somthing nice... tunggu ilham dia masuk... after pampering the bike,
we zoomed off to changi for dinner... had nasi lemak and went home...
Dearie was so hyper yesterday... don't know what happened but it's nice to
see him smile. he started to say the dialogs of the film Do Re Me, sang
'Ram Ram Pisang', shaking his cute ass at my neighbourhood carpark... :)
Dearie was sooooooo crazyyy...

i'm listening to TAUFIK BATISAH'S sweet voice now... see ya when i see ya ok!

Selamat.Hari.Raya

2004-11-21T20:54:00.000+08:00

Before i start my craps, let me wish all my fellow muslim frens & family
SELAMAT HARI RAYA Maaf Zahir & Batin...

too much things to update a'tho its only like 1 week since
i last blog in.. anyways, this is wat happened...

14th Nov = 1st day of hari raya. 2 days before, i fought with my brothers
and my mom and dad forced me to seek forgiveness to em... funny la...
its like the whole family was crying...hahaha... but everything was fine
after that.

19th Nov = i was working very hard and at the same time, i learned to control
a flight. everything was fine execpt for the girl i was attached with. she
is so problematic! attitute problem la... ok back to my sad story, like wat
i was saying, everything went so fine execpt for the 15 mins flight delay
bcoz of a stupid seat cover. after the plane took off, i headed back to the
podium to take my belongings and attend to another flight arrival and
departure but i ended up trapped in Door A of the aerobridge! damn! i
feel like crying(and i did) luckily i was holding a walkie. Called for my
mentor and he seek for help... oh dear.. i was frightened to death!
20 mins trapped in the stupid door and it was HELL! i was told that
the SSU accidentaly pressed the wrong button... yeah rite! i was like
rolling my eyes to em and say THANK YOU for the fright of my freaking
LIFE!

20th Nov = Date with *MiMi* it was already late coz both of us was frm werk... heheeee... we had loads of chocolates
sampai dia pening kepala~ cian diaa.... hehehe... we hang out around
Esplanade and went off to our favourite place.. (no... i'm not gonna tell)
hehehehe.... *blush*

anyways, have to go... tarzan da teriak! "ALIA!....silence....ALIA!!!!"
she wont stop till she see my face in front of her... heh...

November.rain

2004-11-10T22:09:00.000+08:00

Listening to old school rock... guns and roses...metallica...
November Rain
the first song i fell in love 13 years back~

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain

We've been through this auch a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain

But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away

If we could take the time
to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...
on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time...on my
own
Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...
on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

monsoon.season??

2004-11-01T19:45:00.000+08:00

I've been working like a dog~

damn! hehehhe... but work is so fun...i'm not kidding...
i'm having lots of fun at work..despite of all the 'abang-abang tak hensem'
and the 'kakak kakak tak jambu'... hahaha... WORK IS SO DAMN FUN!
but after work, it's the time when i get really restless...
Went to SATS training centre at Changi Cargo Complex...
Abang abang police there...arrrrrr....veryyy annoying,ok! da lah tak hensem!
hahaha... spent the whole rainy and stomy monday in the training room
learning 'CUSTOMER SERVICE'...Dina, best tak 'gentellan' di kakimu??
heheee...hope you won't get irritated by my disgusting behaviour, ok?

alrite... tomorrow we're collecting our uniforms... GIRLS.. dnt forget to
bring your pantyhose along,ok... and once we have the uniforms, its time for
us to seek revenge to those stinky bitches... they really STINKS!

patiently waiting for the trainer.... she'z always LATE! bad time
management! *tsk*tsk*tsk*

taken during my lunch time... went to the back of the room to take picture...
it's Dina's idea... damn! i'm so lucky i dun have a twin sis...
i can sense that she'll look rather annoying then me!!! ahhahahaa

1st.day.@.work

2004-10-25T20:47:00.000+08:00

i was so busy with work nowadays... couldn't have time to blog in.
this week have been a sickening week for me.
had flu,sore throat,cough,asthma and high fever at one go...
pity me... :(
anyways, i had a great day at work today...
with dina, bia, ryan, angela, imah, lyana and ayu
i had fun working with them...
didn't xpek the whole bunch of us are so CRAZY!
spent most of our time in the training room laughing our asre out
with silly jokes...
oh ya... the 8 of us didn't manage to fast the whole day... in fact,
during our lunch break, we decided to break our fast in the canteen!
we get dehydrated after too much of laughing~

well, after work, dee pick me up to send me home...
Dee...dee... i know he's like a lil bit worried bout the
environment of my work place. he told me about his fren who just
broke up with the girlfriend after 2 or 3 days working there...
he look so worried... kesian matair aku~
*sayang jugak kau kat aku,eh...* hehehehe
and tomorrow, dee gonna pick me up again... Pity him laaa...
i just don't know how to make him trust me...
i always tell dee, "jgn samakan i ngan org lain"...
but still he's so WORRIED! hahahaha.... my dee,
always scared that i would leave him....*tsk*tsk*tsk*
how can i leave him?
'No Dee,I Cry'....!!!

photo.one

2004-10-19T14:11:00.000+08:00

errrr....breaking fast with dee tonight...
might be going to geyland to window shop. and
i have to get a nice handbag for Hari Raya...
don't know what colour suits my baju...
This year i'll be having 2 suits...
***-Pink & Purple-***
hahaha.... any suggestions people???

=+=+=+=Here's Some Pics=+=+=+=

My girlfriends...they rawwwkkkkkksss!!!
from left; Ruzzanah, Suzannah, Noreena & Myself...

Me and My Lesbian PartneRs... Love thEm VerY Strong,ok!

Chinese New Year outing... camped at Pulau Ubin for 2days 3 nights...
tiLL most of Us became CrazY... hahahaha...

Hahahhaaa.... me, Rais, Kartini and Along... after a gathering dinner at
Centrepoint Pizza Hut...
P.S: ALONGGGG~ Look at your long and wavy hairrr.... hahahaha...coolness!

feelin.emo...

2004-10-18T22:30:00.000+08:00

aggitated.disturbed.petrified.all in one...*sigh*
sometimes i feel that i'm being used as a scape goat sometimes
as a 'WALKING ATM' and sometomes as someone very useless...
i've been controlling my emotions since this afternoon so as not
to 'batalkan' puasa... after breaking fast, i just have to let it go...

the exect feeling i have last 2 months.maybe it wasn't my fault for having
this feelings, but it's always that someone who make me feel this way...
i always wish that he'll realise his mistakes. once and for all, i wish that
he could feel what i've been feeling, understands me and never take me for
GRANTED...

there are reasons why i said that to you last 2 months in which you
will never get the answer from my mouth...

why my love for you gone just like that?? this is my answer...
1. happiness
-it's only you that is happy not me...why?... you didn't give me
the total happiness like i always give you...
2. you're selfish
-never spare a tot for me and it's always me who gave in to you...
3. revengeful
-you'll forgive my sins but one fine day, you'll take revenge
and did the exect mistake that i've done tho' i've said a million
apologies to you... still, i won't work...
4. trustworthiness
-i always trust your words but not you...
5. making use of me
-whenever you feel in need is the time when i'm in your mind, when
you're alright is when i'm outta your mind...

You might think that what i've said is wrong but to me it's the fact
and this made my feeling for you fade... you might not understand me,
might not care... it's up to you... *sigh* you always make my life MISERABLE!

blessed...

2004-10-17T23:59:00.000+08:00

i feel so good today... :)
Majlis Ifthar at CC...
Setiap bulan puasa, Eunos MAEC will organise a function
whereby kami, berbuka puasa bersama warga-warga tua dan anak-anak yatim
dari pertapis, jamiyah dan muhamadiyah.
So, we as a member of the CC have to help out with the servings and stuffs...
some sort of 'kendarat' thingy... very fun,ok!
food served was very delicious and satisfying! hahaha... tho' i didn't
eat much...i only had 4 cups of Bandung! too thirsty la!

anyways... i missed my terawih session today... sad but it's ok...
got to go tomorrow with dad... :)

Selamat Berpuasa...

2004-10-17T01:49:00.000+08:00

its only the 3rd day of fasting, and i've heard loads of stupid reasons...

when i asked a guy friend, "Posa nari?"... answers...

1. alamak...lupa nak niat!
2. errrr... mak aku kata, kalau tersentuh pompan, maknanya da batal... errr... tadi asal ko salam tangan aku?? heheh... (aku pulak yg kau salahkan!!??)
3. tadi aku termencarut...aiseyyy...
4. tak tahan arr... cuaca panas sangat! ishkk...
5. huh?? puasa?? da start eh?? asal aku tak tau??
6. tak bangun sahur...
7. terminum air syrup kat dalam icebox laa...
MOST STUPID AND LAME EXCUSE...
8. errr....tercium mak aku la... haiyahhhh!!!!

i really have no comments to all these excuses... coz i just can't be bothered with most of their stupid reasons!
so i went to ask my girlfriends... the same questions... answers...

1. termuntah...mabok ar kepala...
2. sakit perot la...
3. bibir kering sampai berdarah...

at least reasonable answers...
errrrr.... the girls answered with also the same old stupid reasons but not as stupid as the guys... hahaha.... haiyahh.. macam-macam karenah laa.... inilah gelagat kaum remaja di bulan ramadhan... SETAHUN SEKALI aje dapat dengar benda-benda merepek ni... Bila tak posa rasa nak posa.. bila kena posa tak nak posa... PLS MAKE UP YOUR MIND,OK?? so confused,is it?? hehehe...

14th Oct...
I re-pierce my tongue... by myself at home...
painful?? nah... just a lil bit uncomfortable...
had difficulties eating for a day, but the next day, i dun give a damn!
it's just dat i have to refrain myself from hot and spicy foods, hot drinks,
alcohols and yada yada yada... i read an artical from a website...
i was shocked to know that those who have just pierced their tongue can't,
do french kissing and
have oral sex (isn't it kinda merepek? wat does it have to do with tongue??)!
for french kissing is acceptable, but oral sex?? hahahhaa...
i spend 1/2hr laughing my arse out after reading the article and i'm
still laughing...
hahahahaaaahahahaaa....
anyways, i felt satisfied... YEY!!!

mimi....
always busy...with work...with family...with his life...
mimi....
i miss him so much!
mimi....
my hunny bunny tummy gainer darling...
mimi....
i'm head over heels in love with thee!! muakzzzzzzzz....!!!

[bad.sign.of.your.horoscope?]

2004-10-12T01:30:00.000+08:00

got this from my email... cool runnings...

[BrawL?]

2004-10-10T02:02:00.000+08:00

*sigh* i'm living in a world where people just couldn't understand me and it's ALWAYS me who have to understand them. fair? i dun think so... My life, is always MISERABLE...

This guy is one of the people whom i LOVE so much. After what had happened today, I dun think my feelings for him is gonna be the same anymore...I'm starting to keep grudges and begining to hate him loads! I dun mind wat people mite say about my 'BITCHY' behaviour especially... hermmmmm... SOME PEOPLE la...

What i've done today, is actually what he have done to me in the past. Maybe some people mite think..."let bygones be bygones" but not for me,ok? what he have done to me is REALLY SUCKS! and because of HIM too, i have to break up a wonderful relationship...because i love HIM so much,respect HIM, cherish HIM, i dun mind being hurt...FUCK!! I HATE LIVING! LIFE IS SO UNFAIR!how i wish i wasn't born in this world and in fact i think he mite be happier living without my presents in his life... i wanna die...!

where.fore.art.thou?

2004-10-08T01:02:00.000+08:00

aggitated? yes i am feeling rather aggitated and at the same time, i'm so disturbed. called dee for loads of times, no answer. messaged him, no reply. negative thoughts? ermm.. just a lil bit... isn't it funny? haiyah... where fore art thou,darling? i miss you so...

Home alone...with 2 super irritating Brothers!
Mom and dad is out of Singapore. have to settle some problems at Terengannu. Hopefully they'll come back with a piece of good news. Woke up early in the morning. Wake dee up(he slept over) coz he's working at 7am. When back to sleep again and woke up to wake my eldest brother coz he's working at 2pm. Cook some dishes for my elder brother and myself. Family woman? ermmm... should consider that... hehehe... dee complimented about my cooking. He like it so much! should cook more often rite? but schedule too tight.. have no time to do dat...

*sigh* still waiting for dee... he say he'll call back later. i have to get a VCD back from him(gila gila pengantin remaja- very corky malay comedy) coz Argon wants to borrow. He have been asking for loads of times and my answer...simple... "Alah... LUPA LAAA..." hahaa pity him... everyone have been talking about the movie and he's like lost in the conversation. cian dia... nanti kakak dapatkan ok?? hahaha...

Tonight, zana's sleeping over... my lesbian partner..hahaha joking! now, i haf to do some laundry... GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK!

cheated.again?

2004-10-05T11:35:00.000+08:00

EVERY ONE SUCKZ! yeah... everyone's a CHEATER. a LIAR.

Engagement!!

2004-10-03T23:49:00.000+08:00

it was a Surprise...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[the.loneliness]

2004-10-02T01:00:00.000+08:00

I'm sitting here, thinkin' 'bout
How am I gonna do without
You around in my life
And how am I gon' get by
I ain't got no days
Just lonely nights
You want the truth
Well boy I'm not alright
Feel out of place and out of time
I think I'm gonna lose my mind

So tell me how it feel (I'm lonely)
Are you for real (So lonely)
Do you still think of me (I think of you)
Baby still (Are you lonely)
Do you dream of me at night (Like i dream of you all the time)
So let me tell you how it feels (Its like everyday i die)
Wish I was dreaming but it's real (When i open up my eyes)
Let me tell you how it feels (And don't see your pretty face)
I think that I will never love again

I miss your face
I miss your kiss
I even miss the arguements
That we would have from time to time
I miss you standing by my side
I'm dying here, it's clear to see
There ain't no you, god knows there ain't no me
Don't wanna live, I wanna die
If i can't have you in my life

[...]

2004-10-01T01:35:00.000+08:00

i was out the whole day and i think today is the most irritating day of my life! i spent most of my time waiting for someone and it's really² sucky,ok! in the evening, i went to Kandang Kerbau Hospital for a second job interview. my appointment supposed to be scheduled at 4:30pm but the interviewer came at 5:15pm... very bad time management lorr...after the interview i headed straight to Bugis to get a replacement for my sickening discman original earphone. oh ya! i also get myself a nice hiphugger wrap skirt... its very nice! after spending 1/2 hour window-shopping i went to the Can Cafe to get a drink. sat for a while to kill time... and this time, i was waiting for a friend of mine to get my money back from her. she's awfully LATE! so, i decided to call her and ask her to transfer to my account. lambat macam mak nenek!

I headed straight to cineleisure to collect my movie ticket.

This show is very funny... filled with stupid and lame jokes here and there... dee embarassed me with his very loud laughters! paisey, ok! oh ya! i waited for dee for almost an hour,ok! irritating! luckily we managed to get into the cinema on time or else.... i'll stranggle him if i miss the first part of the show!

Suprisingly, one of my girlfriends called... KIT ... miss her very strong,ok! i know you'll read my blog, kit, we should meet up one day... sure there's loads of things to talk about, eh? call me whenever you feel like going out,ok? and pls send my sweetest regards to eve and siti... miss them too! and not forgetting, Low Kuang Ming.. hahah you know who... and also my dearest MS LAM... miss her the most! haha joking! i miss everyone in sheraton la... especially MR WONG~ smile always kitty!

[a.normal.mid.week]

2004-09-29T23:41:00.000+08:00

i woke up late today... just like any other days, had a hot shower, a light meal and went off to cc. i miss my dee... i miss him so much...i want my MIMI!!! hahaha... madness~

Today, the performance at sri kampung was nice and smooth... we're served with delicious food just now. jefri cooked chilli crab specially for us(- kak zana, u missed the food la..)but too bad i aint a crab eater... i just had some soup and some veggy.. couldn't eat that much coz my stomach is giving me problems since yesterday... very irritating, ok! we went back early today coz there were not much guest came. only this very sporting china travel group who screamed and gave an applause to every single dance... we're all so shocked tho' but it's fun! we felt as tho' our performance was appreciated... thanks to them.. they made our day! hopefully tomorrow's guest will be as supportive as today.

oh goodness... i'm just too tired la... i think i have to get my beauty rest now.. i'm still waiting for dee's call... i miss him very STRONG! hahah.. cheers!

[mungkin]

2004-09-28T23:35:00.000+08:00

Biarkanlah saja diriku sendirian tanpamu
Biarkanlah aku merindu sekian lama
Bukan maksud untuk membisu
Sepi tanpa kata
Terpisahnya kita kerana
mengejar impian

Mungkinkan bersama
Dua jiwa ini
Dalam mencari cinta sejati
Mungkinkah segala derita di jiwa
Akan terubat kini

Biarkanlah saja diriku
Sepi tanpa kata
Terpisahnya kita
kerana mengejar impian

Hanya satu pintaku
Sabarlah menanti
Ku kan pulang bersama cinta

careless.whisper

2004-09-23T01:46:00.000+08:00

time can never mend
the careless whisper of a good friend
to the heart and mind
ignorance is kind
there's no comfort in the truth
pain is all you'll find.

i feel so unsure,as you take my hand
and lead me to the dance floor
as the music dies, something in your eyes
calls to mind a silver screen
and you're its sad good bye.

i'll never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythem
tho' its easy to pretend
i know you're not a fool
should have known better than to cheat a friend
and waste the chance that i've been given
so i'll never gonna dance again
the way i dance with you.

tonight the music seems so loud
i wish that we could lose this crowd
maybe its better this way
if we'd hurt each other
with the things we want to say
we could have been so good together
we could have lived this dance forever
now who's gonna dance with me
please dance...

>Holiday Mood<

2004-09-15T19:42:00.000+08:00

i'm at my cc's computer room now...just wasting my time while the others having their practice upstairs. I am supposed to dance for today's show at sri kampung but my junior wanted to dance so badly so i gave her the chance. Anyways, i'm going overseas this weekend to have a break. I'm just too tired of all this rubbish in singapore. And it's the time for me to take a long long vacation.
I supposed to meet Rizal and Shairul for my breakfast appointment this morning but i was too tired to go out. I couldn't even open my eyes widely but in fact, i managed to take a bath and go back to sleep. Rizal, I'm so sorry ok... maybe some other time after my trip.
Shairul if you're reading this entry, I just wanna say that i miss you so much! Long time never see you and hang out together. I'm just wondering if you're angry at me for the shits??? Coz since that time, you've stop calling me at night. Or are you just too busy with your schedule? bro, just keep me updated ok. I really miss hanging out and chatting with you on the phone. If you read this entry, pls tag me ok bro??
I'm just so frustrated..no work..no income..no life..I NEED A JOB! Lynn & Brian... PLEASE KEEP ME UPDATED!!! I'm desperately need a fucking JOB!
Oh ya Shairul, I'm so sorry i couldn't make myself free on the 18th coz i'm outta Singapore. All the best for you ok... And don't worry, I'mm give you and Rizal a treat once i come back from my trip.

Will miss you all so much! hahaha..macam nak gi sana bertahun² je... ok lahh.. i stop my shits!

>Gloomy Weekend<

2004-09-13T07:20:00.000+08:00

[I was out the whole night with dee. It's been long since we spend quality time together...just me and him...]:)
Saturday night was fun. I finally get to hang out with my 'not so long' lost friends and it's like so nice to meet them once in the blue moon tho' i used to meet them EVERYDAY last time...(those were the days laa)...Actually i am supposed to party that night but as there was some $$ problems, i HAVE to pospone it to next week. So, to kill time and boredom, i asked my frens out to chill at Arab Street and grab a SHEESHA. We met the others there...ermm...my ex was there too...(heheeehee). Hanging around with them can be so fun coz they always have plans to do that night. After Arab Street, we went back to the east side to have a 'DRINK'...Fisherman's Village...(the place where tables is always wet..irritating!) Everyone enjoyed their 'drinks' (i think so). And me, I enjoyed being with them.

[I've been so gloomy these past few days. I would just get so frustrated and irritated easily. I feel so disturbed.]
I used to think...how does it feels like to be in a world full of confusion... how does it feels like to leave the person who love you so much(dydy) to be with the person you loved the most(dee)?...What would you do and how would you feel if you have to leave both of them? What will life be...?

p.s: Munir, we're almost alike eh?

>sorry baby...<

2004-09-08T11:38:00.000+08:00

Alamak... Dee gonna be realli mad at me. I was supposed to wake him up at 10am but i over slept and because of me he's late for work~ Baby.. I'm so sorry! I felt bad~~~! I know that he's mad coz from the way he talk to me, he sound really angry. I didn't managed to say sorry coz he hang up the phone already. I felt so guilty lor... I hope dee would call later when he reach work. I felt so terrible... :(
Today, like any other days, i'm spending my times at CC. Dydy is having his percussion practice while my other lil gurls is going for their show. I'm coming down just to pass the compiled CD and the group's LipGloss to em'.

>Monday Blues<

2004-09-05T16:28:00.000+08:00

[>dee..Dee...Dy?<] Couldn't find time to blog in or update my daily schedule. Since today i'll be staying in my room the whole evening, i tot "why not updating my blog today..?" Last two months have been very crucial. On the 19th July 2004, i resigned at Novotel Apollo. Wanna know why??? I never like working there! SERIOUSLY~ I just think that the whole environment there is so sucky. The employees are like zombies! Management....ermm... no comments! Overall, Novotel is not my place, I can't work there for life! My relationship with dee now is getting better. We have compromised and truly understand that we're both too busy with our own activities. Actually, me and dee almost lost one another. Every now and then, we fought over small matter and our relationship was in a big mess. In fact, we seperated for almost a month and a few days. Tho' seperation is such a heartache, I always believe that this thing will end eventually and that, our reationship will be back as what it is. I just can't live without dee and dee can't live without me.
[Dee always gave me hopes. Have faith in me and always support me. He's a man of his words which is one of the things that made me love him so much. I'm so attracted to him!]
Friends and families tot that we're over and done with. Here and there, everywhere i go, i'm always found alone. Until Dydy came into my life. Everything changed. Dydy, i get to know him at Gentarasa. He's a nice friend, a joker and also very caring. He treats me like a princess. He never like to see me sad or troubled. Always makes my day with his jokes. We shared our problems. I told him everything about my relationship with dee. Then, me and dydy became much more closer than ever. Our friendship blooms and then, misunderstandings occurs. Friends tot that we're together but we're not. Dydy's love for me starts to grow but he knows that there's no way for him to grab my heart coz i'm still in love with dee. I like dydy as a friend only. More than dat?? I dun think so...

CONFUSED?? No, i'm noT! There's only 1 in my mind...DEE!!!

[me and dee have been thinking of getting engage. Maybe early 2005 or middle. Don't know la.. insyallah... kalau murah rezeki...hahahha!]

Dydy,
You could be my unintended,
Choice to live my life extended,
You could be the one I always love.
You could be the one who listens
to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I always love.
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of
the pieces i had before.
First there was the one who chellenge
all my dreams and all my balance
He could never be as good as you.
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I always love.

[i learn]

2004-07-28T14:54:00.000+08:00

[I Learn] After a while i learn, the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and i learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security. And i begin to learn that kisses isn't contracts and presents isn't promises and i begin to accept my defeats, with my head up and eyes ahead. With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And i learn to build my roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and future have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while i learn that even sunshine burns if i get too much so i plant my own garden and decorate my soul instead of waiting for someone to bring me flowers. And i learn that i really can endure. I am strong, i really have worth and i learn with every goodbye, i LEARN....

Tears...

2004-06-30T22:54:00.000+08:00

[should i....]

lies,lies and lies agian...how can i adapt with this?i'm so frustrated.i just feel like running away and never come back.how i long to get out from this cruel and unfair world.

hey dee......[burn?]

I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn
It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus theres so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn
===========================================================================

love him so much.trust him so much.

p.s.:you hurt me but i ain't feel it anymore............

[tears]&[laughter]

2004-06-23T21:00:00.000+08:00

perturbed.
i doubt if i'm still needed.i'm confused.
i'm scared.i'm scared of small little things.
disturbed.i'm always disturbed.

alone.let silence conquer the ambience.
let silence do the talking.silence can feel me.
consoling and comprehending this life full of trauma.
alone.still alone.i wait and bleed.

whisper.every sentence made of tender words.
words that will never hurt the one who listens.
and those words will slowly find a soft spot.
a spot that will always remains the same.
the spot which will always beat harder as you come nearer.

shout.i'm just too soft and you can't hear me.
i'm just too small that you can't see me.

dreams.you're in my dreams.everytime.
i cry.i cry coz you're not real.
you are just a dream.
how cruel dreams can be.

disturbed.i'm always disturbed.

i am petrified.

[troubled?]

2004-06-22T19:21:00.000+08:00

[exhausted]

i think i work too much.have been spending 9½ hours working without any meal breaks everyday!.i'm going mad.i'm losing weight.have not been eating proper food since last week.had a glass of milk for breakfast,a slice of bread for lunch and nothing for dinner.everytime my boss ask "engkau tak makan alia?",i will say that i'm on DIET.how pathatic!.i'm not stressed but i'm just too busy to think of food.i just miss dee alot...all i could think of is dee,my dearie.

we have not been meeting each other coz both of us are always busy.he's shifts are crucial.most of the time he have to stay to do OT.poor him.even our conversation on the phone have to cut short coz we're both tired.as for me,i have to commit alot of things.kak zana put me in-charge of the group's paperworks,meetings and stuffs.and this upcoming production of ours,she put me in-charge of the junior's attendance and other things like certificate of appreciations and other upcoming events and projects.so stressed up but i have to do my job.schedule is very tight now.i can't affort to be one of the absentees.that is the reason why i can't meet dee often.not even after work.only on his off day.his off day is my golden chance to meet him.poor me.:(

[soalan bonus]

stupidity.i was making myself a cup of coffee.the day was so cloudy and i was shivering away since this morning.i just don't know when i start to drink coffee.anyways.mom came down to prepare my dad's dinner.our conversation starts like this...

mom -"kau dah makan?asal siang nah dah balik".
oh ya...today i knock off early...coz boss ask me to go home.
me -"dah, asal? tak suka yaya balik siang ke?".
silence for a few seconds.
mom -"kau tak jumpa Mimi niari?".
me -"tak ah...dia penat.dia nak balik tido".
mom -"kau ngan dia ok?Bila nak tunang?".
SHITS!. my brain jammed for awhile....i couldn't answer her....then,
me -"manalah yaya tau...tak kan yaya nak tanya dia bila nak tunang ngan yaya.."
mom -"......"
me -"MAK NI PONNN!!!! tanya lah dier sendiri."

Shits was on my head.everytime she ask about dee,she'll ask that question.not only her.even my brothers will ask the same thing over and over again.then i have to answer the same answer over and over again.so annoying.i get irritated!me and dee have not been discussing about all this.both of us had our own points and reasons for this engagement thingys.we're afraid that one day things might screw up and that causes our relationship to fail.we don't want that to happen.if it's really the time to settle down for the both of us,we would rather proceed to ROMM straight.no engagement ceremony or whatnots.but for now,we only hope the best for this relationship.simple isn't it?.better not rush things.coz only fools rush in.yeaaa?

i ain't fool.

dat rock princess

disturbance

a few things i have to do before 2007

hmmm

TGIF

super lazy sunday

Invincible

to that Special Someone...

M.I.A

for you...

injured!

uber down

hi,hello,wassup

errrrrrrr

rainy tuesday...

test

let me tell you my secret

hey

fight the feeling

over tensed

sad day...

my happy frends

buble's concert...

over tensed up.

no more tears

confused...

after so long?

love or lust?

fucked up

break time

saat bahagia

hehe

yayi..i miss you

bananza..

dear nobody...

boredom

party animal

sick sick sick

Happy National Day!

dun't phunk wif my heart~~

story line

hmmmm

ku kesali...

working on my rest day

today's entry..

the unlucky one

Whats up today?

Shall i love thee...

birthday surprise..

watz up between me and him?

all cried out..

all tanned and dried

noti girl~

maafkan

helena

26th june

22ndjun05

30may

28th may

at work~~

4days' off...

4days' off...

2nd day qoala roster

1st day Qoala Roster...

3day's off...

3 days leave..

depressing week...

blog again

belated valentines...

my girlfriends...

new year~

**JERA**

werkkk!

Selamat.Hari.Raya

November.rain

monsoon.season??

1st.day.@.work

photo.one

feelin.emo...

blessed...

JERA